Somewhat like a sheep...

Well, everyone else was doing it.
And my Blog wont be profound or special like all my friends. I'm not alternative nor do I have enough angst to write something dark or funny. Though I am overly dramatic, so maybe that will make up for the lack of intelligence, bad spelling and pathetic whining that this blog will most likely contain. Anyone who's ever followed my horrible rain of myspace bulletins is well prepared for the random, boring and unoriginal thoughts that come out of my head/mouth.

But enough about how much fail your going to read, because that just makes me out to be much more self loathing than I am.

What I did today:
Today, I went to Perth, getting there at around 2:00pm. Big thanks to Griffin who made me feel so much better just by being there. It's funny because I never did like him when I was going out with his brother, but over the last couple of years he's changed into someone I can totally respect. He's a very smart cookie. After chilling there for a while and listening to a million and one people telling me what they think of my current situation I decided to go for a wander. To tell you the truth it's getting to a point where I just don't want to know. Yes, I get that my ex is probably subconsciously using me for sex but maybe not. And it hurts to think that all these people might be right. I really REALLY don't want to hear about Sammy.
[Note: This is an evil evil subject and I mean no offense to people who like Sammy (if you know her) or even as an insult to her. She's just pushed me to far... kay?]
Please don't insinuate that she's taking my place.
Don't let me know that she thinks she's better for him than I am.
You know what? Just don't bring her up. She makes me angry and I have no outlet for that anger. God help her if she ever tries to talk to me again.
Anyway, so wandering along I was and I just got this overwhelming feeling of helplessness and depression. I just felt so sad and tiered and alone and there was nothing I could do to make that stop. I called my ex/ person I'm seeing / ... whatever, and he was so sweet and nice I got off the phone and burst into tears. GO TEAM ME! >__>;
I am the emo'st person in emo ville.
Luckily I has cuddles from friends and then a nice dose of praise when I was working at Blue Room.
I totally got there half an hour early for ushering and got pushed into folding things.... just useless busy work that gave me time to think while using repetitive motions. Speaking of which, that is my theory on why my ex likes to walk home now.

A guy from rise and I talked today in centrals and he was telling me that exercise is a great form of meditation. That step after step you can use that repetitive motion and let your brain run wild and truly think about things. I sure hope that's what my ex is doing. Having a good long think about what I mean to him.

*sigh*

It sucks because I know where my feelings are at. I love him. The end.
And I know sometimes love isn't enough because with my last relationship, [spanning three years] love just wasn't quite enough to span the distance that had always been between us.
In that case the only thing stopping us was... well, most of Australia. He was in Melbourne, I was in Perth. It failed miserably but I still consider that person one of my greatest friends.

I had an evil little thought about love the other day;

Love is this fucked up little half way between want and need.
When your with that person that you are in love with you feel like you need them with every fiber of your being. They complete you and you complete them and you only feel whole when your with them.
But then, when they leave you or are taken away you realise that you don't NEED them. The world doesn't stop spinning, you don't stop breathing and despite the pain, your hearts still beating.
It was just want.
A strong and seductive want that sucked you right in and tricked you.
I hate the idea that wanting something is love... but that's what it is.
I don't believe that you can die of a broken heart. You can want to die so badly that you do, but hearts are a resilient thing that can be fixed like a patchwork quilt. Patch upon patch is painfully sewn over the freshly bleeding wounds until you have something somewhat resembling a heart left. And everyone has a heart, even if its so disfigured that you cant see it anymore, and there are so many layers and rips and tears that you can no longer feel it. It's there.

Can anyone tell I'm a hopeless romantic?
Somebody please bring back the days of 'Romeo and Juliet'.
Bring back dying for a love that's only just bloomed, chivalry and all that jazz.
I want a prince on a horse with a sword willing to defend my honor. But with so many princesses in the world, something tells me not everyone's going to get a happily ever after.
If I was into praying and religion, I would be praying that I get to be one of those princesses.

So, to end this on a lighter note, me and the ex are going to hang out tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to his call at 11:00am.

That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx