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Dear Life,

Thank you for taking some sort of shape. It's an odd shape and well, maybe a bit abstract, but a shape non-the-less. It would be real nice if you would stop procrastinating. Or, make me stop procrastinating. I need some pep/get up and go, I need to stop being so lazy, If I really want to get you on track. I suppose this blog is good in a way. It gets me used to writing more. If you go in the way I plan I'll be off to WAPAA and then I'll be writing essays and articles and pages upon pages of drivel on some guy who once wrote a play that never got published but shows great caricaturisation... or good blocking and stage directions and why these are important.
Sometimes life, I wonder why you didn't make me something simple. I could have just been an average office worker... maybe been promoted. I could have lived comfortably and quietly, never making a splash or needing to try to hard. And life, you know how happy I would be with that???

But instead I'm given this bug, this virus. It itches under my skin and it pulses through my veins and makes me crave the bright lights and the laughter. I want to see emotion in the faces of the people when I look up. I want to see millions of people, as many as can fit, staring down in awe at the brightly lit stage where I recite things to make them laugh and cry. I want them to walk away feeling shocked, happy, sad, together, angry... whatever they need to.... but mostly I want to entertain. I want each person to leave that place entertained.

Sometimes life you like to throw me curve balls. Things that just don't fit. Sometimes I wonder what will happen to me and the friends I've made and the relationship I'm in because of this desire you give me... Does he even want to travel?
And this is not me saying it will last forever, but what If there comes a point that I have to choose. Choose between being with the someone I love and the stage. What then? Could I ever be content with just doing a basic job now that I've tasted something so sweet?

Would he ask me to do that?

It's probably a stupid fear... but it doesn't just count to my current boyfriend. It counts for any guy I may end up dating. I will have very little time once I'm in WAPAA for anything. I wont be able to move out for 3 years unless someone supports me. I will be very high maintenance.
I can't really expect anyone to stand by three years of watching me on a highly emotional and demanding course and struggling with time and pressure. I would drive myself mad and probably will.
Maybe my art will strangle any relationship I'm in.
In fact I'm almost certain it will.

Life, in closing I'd like to say... thank you for being a shape... but if you could pull off being a normal shape that would be nice. I'd like to see where you go.
Please?

That's all she wrote.

- Miss Bailey
Xx