So I've been crying again...
UGH! and I was so happy!
Fucking hormones >__>
...
So I'm lying in bed next to the boyfriend. and suddenly I remember lying next to him long ago... well, not that long ago, and I remember feeling like a whore. I felt so horribly dirty because I though he was using me and I wasn't doing anything to stop him, because I love him.
Sometimes I think these wounds wont heal... that for the rest of my time with him these emotions will keep over flowing. Because how can I say that to him?
How can I say "I am crying because long ago you treated me like a dirty slut... now sometimes I feel like that's true"
YEAH, that's going to do WONDERS for his self esteem...
*sigh*
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Sitting on my cruxifix...
I sat down and wrote a post before this one that pretty much made me out to be a horrible person and a selfish girlfriend.
...
I am neither of those things.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
...
I am neither of those things.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Trivial Pursuit...
Of all the trivial things to start a blog with, I think I'm about to take the cake. Should I get a facebook?
Okay so I've been asking myself this a lot lately because it seems the whole fucking world has one. But I don't want one! I really am content with myspace... it's practically facebook now anyway, but all my friends and even my boyfriend are now relying on facbook rather than myspace to communicate with everyone. My dad [who has facebook] knows what my boyfriend is doing more often than I do. But it seems to me like facebook stalking could be a very awkward thing. I mean, it's harder to find people on myspace than on facebook. And those people from years ago that your glad you have forgotten, can locate you quickly and easily if they so choose. And if you deny them, well that just shows what you think about them really... and in a worl were being two-faced often pays off, I don't like that.
I mean what if my ex-best friend from primary school decided to add me?
If I deny her, chances are she'll go tell her mother who happens to be one of my mothers closest friends. Then all hell breaks loose and I get accused of being petty and holding grudges. Both might be true, but I get enough shit for that as it is. I don't want her to add me. I don't want to talk to her. But chaces are on the face-space that our paths may cross and we would feel OBLIGATED to talk to each other.
It's the polite thing to do.
I like myspace because it doesn't tell you who you know and only recently started asking me if 'I think I know this person'.
Or maybe I'm reading to much into this...
Probably the latter.
Next on my agender is ART WANK!!!!!
Art wank: This is the way people writing things in a way that is forced artsy. Like they sit there and think for an age about the most interesting and post modern way to say "I hate men, they fucking suck."
>__<
I hate it when you see these blogs and you can barely read them for the melodramatic emo poetry that discribes there life. "I sat on the sofa. It was soft and red and seemed to comfot me in these dark times. I don't know why I send these signals to men, to taunt, to tease. I feel so alone, like my heart has been ripped out and slowly crushed. Please, darkness, carry me away on a star or a cloud to a place where suffering exits no more!"
>__>
Hows about we write like real people instead of sudo intellectuals?
"He dumped me! What a fucker... think I'll go cut myself ASAP!"
<__<
Finally and probably more importantly than all the other rubbish I spill golly gosh it's my siblings birthday tomorrow and I doubt I'll even get to see her and I don't have money for a present. I am helping The Boyfriend move house tomorrow and it seems he'd like that to get done in the afternoon. YAY! RIGHT WHEN SHE FINISHES SCHOOL!!!!
- ___ -"
I want to get her a box of cupcakes, [which I will then force her to share] but with my budget as follows good fucking luck. I doubt I'll be able to even eat this week.
:::
$160 earth dollars
-
$50 earth dollars for the parental units.
That there leaves me with a whole $110 earth dollars.
Then you should probably set aside $8 per day for public transportation. FUCK TRANSPERTH!
so like...
that's 16..
then like...
24...
so yeah around $24.
O__o
um so yes. that's the rest I have to play with and I'ma need a new sookie stackhouse novel and money for applying to WAPAA.
FAIL!
Speaking of which, I haven't started my application yet because it's impossible without the photo's.
Oh yeah... photo's... $20.
=[
fail fail fail fail.
ANYWAY,
Should probably go to bed as The Boyfriend is already asleep.
He doesn't like sleeping alone.
=]
*dances* He loves me ^^
lol
Okay, END GAME!
That's all she wrote.
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Okay so I've been asking myself this a lot lately because it seems the whole fucking world has one. But I don't want one! I really am content with myspace... it's practically facebook now anyway, but all my friends and even my boyfriend are now relying on facbook rather than myspace to communicate with everyone. My dad [who has facebook] knows what my boyfriend is doing more often than I do. But it seems to me like facebook stalking could be a very awkward thing. I mean, it's harder to find people on myspace than on facebook. And those people from years ago that your glad you have forgotten, can locate you quickly and easily if they so choose. And if you deny them, well that just shows what you think about them really... and in a worl were being two-faced often pays off, I don't like that.
I mean what if my ex-best friend from primary school decided to add me?
If I deny her, chances are she'll go tell her mother who happens to be one of my mothers closest friends. Then all hell breaks loose and I get accused of being petty and holding grudges. Both might be true, but I get enough shit for that as it is. I don't want her to add me. I don't want to talk to her. But chaces are on the face-space that our paths may cross and we would feel OBLIGATED to talk to each other.
It's the polite thing to do.
I like myspace because it doesn't tell you who you know and only recently started asking me if 'I think I know this person'.
Or maybe I'm reading to much into this...
Probably the latter.
Next on my agender is ART WANK!!!!!
Art wank: This is the way people writing things in a way that is forced artsy. Like they sit there and think for an age about the most interesting and post modern way to say "I hate men, they fucking suck."
>__<
I hate it when you see these blogs and you can barely read them for the melodramatic emo poetry that discribes there life. "I sat on the sofa. It was soft and red and seemed to comfot me in these dark times. I don't know why I send these signals to men, to taunt, to tease. I feel so alone, like my heart has been ripped out and slowly crushed. Please, darkness, carry me away on a star or a cloud to a place where suffering exits no more!"
>__>
Hows about we write like real people instead of sudo intellectuals?
"He dumped me! What a fucker... think I'll go cut myself ASAP!"
<__<
Finally and probably more importantly than all the other rubbish I spill golly gosh it's my siblings birthday tomorrow and I doubt I'll even get to see her and I don't have money for a present. I am helping The Boyfriend move house tomorrow and it seems he'd like that to get done in the afternoon. YAY! RIGHT WHEN SHE FINISHES SCHOOL!!!!
- ___ -"
I want to get her a box of cupcakes, [which I will then force her to share] but with my budget as follows good fucking luck. I doubt I'll be able to even eat this week.
:::
$160 earth dollars
-
$50 earth dollars for the parental units.
That there leaves me with a whole $110 earth dollars.
Then you should probably set aside $8 per day for public transportation. FUCK TRANSPERTH!
so like...
that's 16..
then like...
24...
so yeah around $24.
O__o
um so yes. that's the rest I have to play with and I'ma need a new sookie stackhouse novel and money for applying to WAPAA.
FAIL!
Speaking of which, I haven't started my application yet because it's impossible without the photo's.
Oh yeah... photo's... $20.
=[
fail fail fail fail.
ANYWAY,
Should probably go to bed as The Boyfriend is already asleep.
He doesn't like sleeping alone.
=]
*dances* He loves me ^^
lol
Okay, END GAME!
That's all she wrote.
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Monday, July 27, 2009
dot dot dot
Dear Life,
Thank you for taking some sort of shape. It's an odd shape and well, maybe a bit abstract, but a shape non-the-less. It would be real nice if you would stop procrastinating. Or, make me stop procrastinating. I need some pep/get up and go, I need to stop being so lazy, If I really want to get you on track. I suppose this blog is good in a way. It gets me used to writing more. If you go in the way I plan I'll be off to WAPAA and then I'll be writing essays and articles and pages upon pages of drivel on some guy who once wrote a play that never got published but shows great caricaturisation... or good blocking and stage directions and why these are important.
Sometimes life, I wonder why you didn't make me something simple. I could have just been an average office worker... maybe been promoted. I could have lived comfortably and quietly, never making a splash or needing to try to hard. And life, you know how happy I would be with that???
But instead I'm given this bug, this virus. It itches under my skin and it pulses through my veins and makes me crave the bright lights and the laughter. I want to see emotion in the faces of the people when I look up. I want to see millions of people, as many as can fit, staring down in awe at the brightly lit stage where I recite things to make them laugh and cry. I want them to walk away feeling shocked, happy, sad, together, angry... whatever they need to.... but mostly I want to entertain. I want each person to leave that place entertained.
Sometimes life you like to throw me curve balls. Things that just don't fit. Sometimes I wonder what will happen to me and the friends I've made and the relationship I'm in because of this desire you give me... Does he even want to travel?
And this is not me saying it will last forever, but what If there comes a point that I have to choose. Choose between being with the someone I love and the stage. What then? Could I ever be content with just doing a basic job now that I've tasted something so sweet?
Would he ask me to do that?
It's probably a stupid fear... but it doesn't just count to my current boyfriend. It counts for any guy I may end up dating. I will have very little time once I'm in WAPAA for anything. I wont be able to move out for 3 years unless someone supports me. I will be very high maintenance.
I can't really expect anyone to stand by three years of watching me on a highly emotional and demanding course and struggling with time and pressure. I would drive myself mad and probably will.
Maybe my art will strangle any relationship I'm in.
In fact I'm almost certain it will.
Life, in closing I'd like to say... thank you for being a shape... but if you could pull off being a normal shape that would be nice. I'd like to see where you go.
Please?
That's all she wrote.
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Thank you for taking some sort of shape. It's an odd shape and well, maybe a bit abstract, but a shape non-the-less. It would be real nice if you would stop procrastinating. Or, make me stop procrastinating. I need some pep/get up and go, I need to stop being so lazy, If I really want to get you on track. I suppose this blog is good in a way. It gets me used to writing more. If you go in the way I plan I'll be off to WAPAA and then I'll be writing essays and articles and pages upon pages of drivel on some guy who once wrote a play that never got published but shows great caricaturisation... or good blocking and stage directions and why these are important.
Sometimes life, I wonder why you didn't make me something simple. I could have just been an average office worker... maybe been promoted. I could have lived comfortably and quietly, never making a splash or needing to try to hard. And life, you know how happy I would be with that???
But instead I'm given this bug, this virus. It itches under my skin and it pulses through my veins and makes me crave the bright lights and the laughter. I want to see emotion in the faces of the people when I look up. I want to see millions of people, as many as can fit, staring down in awe at the brightly lit stage where I recite things to make them laugh and cry. I want them to walk away feeling shocked, happy, sad, together, angry... whatever they need to.... but mostly I want to entertain. I want each person to leave that place entertained.
Sometimes life you like to throw me curve balls. Things that just don't fit. Sometimes I wonder what will happen to me and the friends I've made and the relationship I'm in because of this desire you give me... Does he even want to travel?
And this is not me saying it will last forever, but what If there comes a point that I have to choose. Choose between being with the someone I love and the stage. What then? Could I ever be content with just doing a basic job now that I've tasted something so sweet?
Would he ask me to do that?
It's probably a stupid fear... but it doesn't just count to my current boyfriend. It counts for any guy I may end up dating. I will have very little time once I'm in WAPAA for anything. I wont be able to move out for 3 years unless someone supports me. I will be very high maintenance.
I can't really expect anyone to stand by three years of watching me on a highly emotional and demanding course and struggling with time and pressure. I would drive myself mad and probably will.
Maybe my art will strangle any relationship I'm in.
In fact I'm almost certain it will.
Life, in closing I'd like to say... thank you for being a shape... but if you could pull off being a normal shape that would be nice. I'd like to see where you go.
Please?
That's all she wrote.
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Friday, July 24, 2009
I hate making titles for these things...
... I am just not kool enough to think of something poetic to say...
So, I've been staying at Dan's house the past few days... I've eaten the best cupcakes in the world and re-discovered what an epic dork my boyfriend is. He and his warhammer. =P
The Boyfriend:
Is amazing. So glad he's back... and so glad I didn't ruin it at the rave. He almost had me convinced that I was going to hurt him, and truth be told I nearly did... evil Kixxy. But all was saved by my quick thinking to get her to send a text. GO TEAM ME! I was so fucking high that night... and still I had the comman sence not to cheat, he should give me kudos for that.
The SQUISH!
Squish is someone you haven't really heared about before. He's also know as the 'bbfl' and I lovers him so so so very much. I saw him today along with 'the SPY' and I was having a really good time. I had a bit of a fight with him the other day because the Squish and the Spy want to go out but are afraid of ruining there friendship... NO SHIT THAT WILL HAPPEN. It's like the Squish is saying "Even though I have serveer commitment issues and find it really hard to stick to one person, oh, and I'm gay and the spy is a girl... do you think it's a good idea for us to fuck and possibly go out?"
NO!
I think it's a fucking awful idea.
And then he and the Internet boy get all huffy at me because I didn't tell them what they wanted to hear. [Internet boy being his friend who like, worships him that I was talking to last night.]
It also doesn't help and I hate the spy...
well not hate. I just kind of wish she wasn't friends with my Squish and I wish people would stop paying me out for disliking her. It's not my fault... I gave her a second chance and then she nearly ruined my friendship with the Squish.
ugh...
fail.
cbf with this post anymore.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
LOL
So I totally noticed that I never use this thing for anything happy...
The ex and I.... are no longer the ex and I. =]
Its the boyfriend and I!
*dances*
Xx
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