... I'm gone.
That really is all she wrote.
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Monday, November 23, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Welcome...
... to my decent into madness...
lol DRAMA!
Well not really.
I've been waiting to much Gossip Girl and it's addled my brain. The bitchy unique characteristic they display makes me want to dish the dirt on some of the... Centrals Elite.
I wont.
But it makes me want to.
I am currently tipsy and sitting on the balcony of The Francis st place and wishing I was down below in the Northbridge streets. Tonight is messy.
There's a new girl on the scene around my life who I will dub Dallas. Not her real name, OBVIOUSLY.
Dallas is a slut.
She came around to our apartment unannounced to get ready for her night out, leaving her stuff strewn around our place making sure she could come back. Golly Gosh that bitch plays mind games. She's in and she's out and The Boyfriend is oblivious to her mear existence but she is a NUISANCE! Nobody knows who she is so don't try guess, and if you ask anyone around me they'll not know who she is either. Try guess, I dare you.
So due to her and he using us as a cloakroom we are bringing in a $5 per hour fee for those who wish to leave there bags with us while they clubbing.
Drunk people are funny.
I can hear yelling of a girl at her lying cheating boyfriend from here... at least, I assume he's Lying and Cheating.
Speaking of Boyfriends....
Ever get desire for anyone other than yours?
I do... and does that mean that I will cheat... or say something bad about my character?
Or does that just mean I'm female and have a sex drive?
Could I go as far to say that resisting temptation makes me a good person???
I sometimes feel like going to church... not for god or for community or even obligation to parents.... but for the confession... all my secret shames laid out and hung to dry like the dirty laundry we all know it is. I've done things I'm not proud of.... Never cheated on The Boyfriend, please don't miss-understand but... Bad things.
Things I don't dare confess even here.... not that this place is ANY sort of secure.
Miss Bailey's sleep and alcohol addled brain needs to shut down now...
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
lol DRAMA!
Well not really.
I've been waiting to much Gossip Girl and it's addled my brain. The bitchy unique characteristic they display makes me want to dish the dirt on some of the... Centrals Elite.
I wont.
But it makes me want to.
I am currently tipsy and sitting on the balcony of The Francis st place and wishing I was down below in the Northbridge streets. Tonight is messy.
There's a new girl on the scene around my life who I will dub Dallas. Not her real name, OBVIOUSLY.
Dallas is a slut.
She came around to our apartment unannounced to get ready for her night out, leaving her stuff strewn around our place making sure she could come back. Golly Gosh that bitch plays mind games. She's in and she's out and The Boyfriend is oblivious to her mear existence but she is a NUISANCE! Nobody knows who she is so don't try guess, and if you ask anyone around me they'll not know who she is either. Try guess, I dare you.
So due to her and he using us as a cloakroom we are bringing in a $5 per hour fee for those who wish to leave there bags with us while they clubbing.
Drunk people are funny.
I can hear yelling of a girl at her lying cheating boyfriend from here... at least, I assume he's Lying and Cheating.
Speaking of Boyfriends....
Ever get desire for anyone other than yours?
I do... and does that mean that I will cheat... or say something bad about my character?
Or does that just mean I'm female and have a sex drive?
Could I go as far to say that resisting temptation makes me a good person???
I sometimes feel like going to church... not for god or for community or even obligation to parents.... but for the confession... all my secret shames laid out and hung to dry like the dirty laundry we all know it is. I've done things I'm not proud of.... Never cheated on The Boyfriend, please don't miss-understand but... Bad things.
Things I don't dare confess even here.... not that this place is ANY sort of secure.
Miss Bailey's sleep and alcohol addled brain needs to shut down now...
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Never again...
... will I travel down the rabbit hole.
No more drugs.
Ever.
I find it bad that The Boyfriend and I had our first fight over something so trivial. I don't actually care about drugs. I like them, don't get me wrong... I would only do them if they held something for me. If I'm not having a good time, I wont bother with things. But at the end of the day the thing that stuck in my mind was that he flat out said 'NO' that there was no argument and no debate...
I don't like to be controlled.
We are over it, kinda.
Things are back to normal for now but the moment a drug of ANY sort touches his lips, I won't be able to bite my tongue any longer.
bjdhkjahdhsdhd...
fuck it.
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey.
Xx
No more drugs.
Ever.
I find it bad that The Boyfriend and I had our first fight over something so trivial. I don't actually care about drugs. I like them, don't get me wrong... I would only do them if they held something for me. If I'm not having a good time, I wont bother with things. But at the end of the day the thing that stuck in my mind was that he flat out said 'NO' that there was no argument and no debate...
I don't like to be controlled.
We are over it, kinda.
Things are back to normal for now but the moment a drug of ANY sort touches his lips, I won't be able to bite my tongue any longer.
bjdhkjahdhsdhd...
fuck it.
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey.
Xx
Monday, November 2, 2009
Here comes the sun...
... dooby dooby.
GOOD NEWS!
The Boyfriend got the apartment AND not just the one story one, the TWO story one. This brings much excitement and anticipation. We have to pack... *mad scramble*.
This means no more dealing with lame ass siblings, no more hopping from house to house and intruding on the people we are staying with. I really like them, and there baby is adorable. I shall call them Mr. and Mrs. even though they aren't married.
Mrs. and I have been spending a lot of time together because we are both home during the day. I've been looking after Miss. Baby so that she can do house work without having to stop every 30 seconds because of Miss. Baby being fussy and clingy.
Mr. makes a pretty good dad too.
The Whorecake, aka, least favorite sibling has completely trashed my room at home AFTER I spent forever cleaning it and is denying that she did even though everyone knows she's lying because she's a stubborn little bitch. I here though the grape vine that she's dropped Drop-kick Boyfriend 0.1 for Drop-kick Boyfriend 0.2... lets hope the bitch doesn't get pregnant. I feel like offering her a free hysterectomy... some people just shouldn't have kids.
OH OH OH *panics* my god damn audition is in NINE days.... NINE!
O__O
Truthfully, the panic hasn't entirely set in yet and I am going to be in total shock from Monday through to Wednesday.... I vote someone buys me some drugs for Tuesday night as a 'Thank fuck that's over' party present. Here's hoping I get in JUST so I can get a new charm for my Tiffanies bracelet.
Who here's going to Soundwave!?!?!? *Raises hand*
My early Birthday present The Boyfriend gave me was a ticket to Soundwave for myself and him.... can't fucking wait!
Okay, I think I've bored you enough with my sugar rush. =P
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
GOOD NEWS!
The Boyfriend got the apartment AND not just the one story one, the TWO story one. This brings much excitement and anticipation. We have to pack... *mad scramble*.
This means no more dealing with lame ass siblings, no more hopping from house to house and intruding on the people we are staying with. I really like them, and there baby is adorable. I shall call them Mr. and Mrs. even though they aren't married.
Mrs. and I have been spending a lot of time together because we are both home during the day. I've been looking after Miss. Baby so that she can do house work without having to stop every 30 seconds because of Miss. Baby being fussy and clingy.
Mr. makes a pretty good dad too.
The Whorecake, aka, least favorite sibling has completely trashed my room at home AFTER I spent forever cleaning it and is denying that she did even though everyone knows she's lying because she's a stubborn little bitch. I here though the grape vine that she's dropped Drop-kick Boyfriend 0.1 for Drop-kick Boyfriend 0.2... lets hope the bitch doesn't get pregnant. I feel like offering her a free hysterectomy... some people just shouldn't have kids.
OH OH OH *panics* my god damn audition is in NINE days.... NINE!
O__O
Truthfully, the panic hasn't entirely set in yet and I am going to be in total shock from Monday through to Wednesday.... I vote someone buys me some drugs for Tuesday night as a 'Thank fuck that's over' party present. Here's hoping I get in JUST so I can get a new charm for my Tiffanies bracelet.
Who here's going to Soundwave!?!?!? *Raises hand*
My early Birthday present The Boyfriend gave me was a ticket to Soundwave for myself and him.... can't fucking wait!
Okay, I think I've bored you enough with my sugar rush. =P
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Monday, October 26, 2009
Because there's nothing else to do...
... on days like these.
Sometimes I frustrate myself. I have stuff I really REALLY should be doing which I am putting off because I would much rather watch 'A Very Potter Musical' than learn my monologue right now. I would say it's because I want to relax but I actually feel really tense and horrible. I almost feel like crying.
What the fuck happened to my SPACE!
I don't fit in here anymore... my rooms been trashed by god knows who and my siblings fucking hate me. I can't deal with there noise and they can't deal with my silence.
Having siblings sucks, they constantly want to hum and sing and talk and interrupt what your watching and drive you mad.... eat your food, try on your clothes, sleep in your bed and go through your stuff...
Sometimes they act like you, crush on your friends or show off... sometimes I want to kill the damn things.
*sigh* RANT RANT RANT!!!
In other news... I might move blogs soon... so you can't find me.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Sometimes I frustrate myself. I have stuff I really REALLY should be doing which I am putting off because I would much rather watch 'A Very Potter Musical' than learn my monologue right now. I would say it's because I want to relax but I actually feel really tense and horrible. I almost feel like crying.
What the fuck happened to my SPACE!
I don't fit in here anymore... my rooms been trashed by god knows who and my siblings fucking hate me. I can't deal with there noise and they can't deal with my silence.
Having siblings sucks, they constantly want to hum and sing and talk and interrupt what your watching and drive you mad.... eat your food, try on your clothes, sleep in your bed and go through your stuff...
Sometimes they act like you, crush on your friends or show off... sometimes I want to kill the damn things.
*sigh* RANT RANT RANT!!!
In other news... I might move blogs soon... so you can't find me.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Good Golly Miss Molly...
...I retract all previous statements toward you.
I don't hate you.
And you are NOT a Stalker.
You are Miss Molly.
Also though, due to you and Adrian I AM thinking of deleting this blog because it's not as fun when people I know can read it...
=/
It makes it less real.
Idk.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
I don't hate you.
And you are NOT a Stalker.
You are Miss Molly.
Also though, due to you and Adrian I AM thinking of deleting this blog because it's not as fun when people I know can read it...
=/
It makes it less real.
Idk.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Friday, October 16, 2009
Because this is MY blog...
...and just a blog at that...
Dear Adrian.
Yes, you are a drama magnet and I don't think I have to defend that. I have experienced some of that drama first hand and not only is it hard on the people around you but sometimes it turns you into someone I don't recognise. Example? The Justin fiasco. I'm not saying this to be cruel or nasty but purely to be honest. I LIKE you. We are a lot alike. We have ridiculous amounts in common... but I just cannot be fucked dealing with not just you but the rest of your groups politics. I just got out of that mess, and I have enough problems of my own... and truth be told, it wouldn't be good for you to have me back in that capacity either. When I told you I was done being walked over, I meant it, and since then I've been trying to tell the truth from "Yes your bum looks big in that" to "Yes, you are wrong in this situation." Fuck sugar coatings. I now say what I mean.
So if this all goes so well and god damn it I've been making an effort... I wont have time for anyone If I get into WAAPA and the trivial problems of others aren't going to register on my radar. Call me shallow or bitchy or... whatever.
I mean to be really good friends... to bestest best buddies again, we'd have to deal with all of the crap that happened. I mean do you really think you snapped your fingers and hey presto, I had forgiven you for making my PREVIOUS best friend hate me?
No... never.
I'm not over that.
I don't know if I ever will be and I don't feel as if I could ever trust you in the same way again.
So I dunno, make of this what you will.
Feel free to never speak to me again if that's what makes you happy.
But I do enjoy talking to you.
And I note that I'm probably the most honest person you know right now.
Just saying.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
P.S. How long have you been reading my blog?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
...
...
Dear Blondie,
STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF! The frog doesn't want you and it's time to MOVE ON!
>__<
I just hate women who don't appreciate themselves or value themselves enough to leave slef destructive relationships.
I think of relationships AS ships. If your ship is sinking, get the fuck off it... though all the pain and freazing water, or go down with it too.
>__>
Mr. James.
I don't deal well with criticism... especially when it is in no way constructive.
Dear Central park,
What the fuck happened to you. Where's the pretty emo boys and more importantly, who let the rank "gangsta" fucks move in?
Makes me want to be old skool emo again, just to show the derro fucks.
Dear Doctor,
Your okay. Or, you will be okay. I send you much love.
OH...
Adrian...
wtf?
Xx
Dear Blondie,
STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF! The frog doesn't want you and it's time to MOVE ON!
>__<
I just hate women who don't appreciate themselves or value themselves enough to leave slef destructive relationships.
I think of relationships AS ships. If your ship is sinking, get the fuck off it... though all the pain and freazing water, or go down with it too.
>__>
Mr. James.
I don't deal well with criticism... especially when it is in no way constructive.
Dear Central park,
What the fuck happened to you. Where's the pretty emo boys and more importantly, who let the rank "gangsta" fucks move in?
Makes me want to be old skool emo again, just to show the derro fucks.
Dear Doctor,
Your okay. Or, you will be okay. I send you much love.
OH...
Adrian...
wtf?
Xx
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Because somtimes...
... This is all I have.
I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm feeling quite good. I had like, a list of things I felt I needed to say but there all the way over there and I really can't be bothered waking up The Boyfriend for Blogspot.
I love you I swear.
I just finished reading 'The Petty Details of so-and-so's Life' and it's made me feel wired around the tummy area. That bit where Emma seems a bit too familiar and where Blue and Elaine feel like The Boyfriend and his mother. This book is about a woman who can't cope, an angry young man, a lesbian, and a dad who lost his family and his mind many years ago.
It pulls at my heartstrings.
Does anyone ever want to write something totally inappropriate... like, "Hi, I just had an orgasm." or "I'ma go have sex now." on here?
I keep getting urges to do that. =P
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm feeling quite good. I had like, a list of things I felt I needed to say but there all the way over there and I really can't be bothered waking up The Boyfriend for Blogspot.
I love you I swear.
I just finished reading 'The Petty Details of so-and-so's Life' and it's made me feel wired around the tummy area. That bit where Emma seems a bit too familiar and where Blue and Elaine feel like The Boyfriend and his mother. This book is about a woman who can't cope, an angry young man, a lesbian, and a dad who lost his family and his mind many years ago.
It pulls at my heartstrings.
Does anyone ever want to write something totally inappropriate... like, "Hi, I just had an orgasm." or "I'ma go have sex now." on here?
I keep getting urges to do that. =P
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Friday, September 25, 2009
Cherry red...
... is the best coloured nail polish ever.
So I'm not going to earth dance and everyone else is. I hate my job sometimes, I have to miss out on so much stuff and my social life fails.
*sigh* oh well... I'll just bring ear plugs to Nick Skitz.. ewwww.
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey
Xx
So I'm not going to earth dance and everyone else is. I hate my job sometimes, I have to miss out on so much stuff and my social life fails.
*sigh* oh well... I'll just bring ear plugs to Nick Skitz.. ewwww.
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey
Xx
Saturday, September 19, 2009
I am...
... so superficial.
Any bad thing The Boyfriend has ever done to me... any mean thing. Any time he's bored me or hurt me or made me cry...
just went out the window...
By the simple application of TIFFANY and Co. jewelry.
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey
Xx
Any bad thing The Boyfriend has ever done to me... any mean thing. Any time he's bored me or hurt me or made me cry...
just went out the window...
By the simple application of TIFFANY and Co. jewelry.
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey
Xx
Thursday, September 17, 2009
I'm so post modern...
nang nang nang nangnangnangnangnang nang nang nang!
So Caitlyn got a nang machine.
I noticed something about the way I Nang vs. Other people.
If I Nang sober... I can get wicked visuals. I can even get small body sensations.
If on Acid...
It's like I've been dipped in a sea of colour and I hallucinate... sometimes it gets scary. I have full body sensations weather it be someone slapping me or acid in my mouth, and my mind plays games with it's self. If I don't win those games, I get hurt.
One of my favorite body sensations is the one where it feels like thin filmy stickers are getting thrown at me. It can stick my eyelids closed or bind my body... it's... fucking random.
...
Okay moving on.
Right now I have drunk almost an entire bottle of red wine to my self and am not in bed yet dispite The Boyfriends protests because quite frankly... I haven't done this in a long time and it's something I enjoy. I like to stay up late on the PC getting drunk while reading pron and keeping up to date with my current youtube vlogers. I am ADDICTED to vlogging.
I haven't been able to do this since I started staying with The Boyfriend more and more. He works random hours and he's a bit of a sook when it comes to cuddles. Which I love.
But sometimes I think a bit of 'Me' time would be good. I WANT to stay up late. I never get drunk because The Boyfriend hates alcahol but sometimes it would be nice to get hammered and forget what I did the next day. Is it wrong to not want to act like a grown up 24/7?
Sometimes being around him is so... cold?
I miss being stupid, spon-tan-u-us and random.
I MISS DANCING IN PUBLIC!
>__>
But I love him to much to push him away by being that girl again.
That crazy, somewhat messed up... totally messy girl.
*sigh*
OH OH OH
you know who's awesome?
My mum!
Guess what she did?
NO... GUESS!
wrong.
She bought me and Josh an electric blanket because she wasn't sure we were warm enough and bought be a new journal for all my Wheeling's and dealings.
I love my mum. She's so rad.
... what else?
OH I love livelavalive on youtube.
I think that's all.
OH and should I get twitter? I know it's shit but frezned my all time fave vlogger has one and maybe I can talk to him!!! O__O!
or not.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
So Caitlyn got a nang machine.
I noticed something about the way I Nang vs. Other people.
If I Nang sober... I can get wicked visuals. I can even get small body sensations.
If on Acid...
It's like I've been dipped in a sea of colour and I hallucinate... sometimes it gets scary. I have full body sensations weather it be someone slapping me or acid in my mouth, and my mind plays games with it's self. If I don't win those games, I get hurt.
One of my favorite body sensations is the one where it feels like thin filmy stickers are getting thrown at me. It can stick my eyelids closed or bind my body... it's... fucking random.
...
Okay moving on.
Right now I have drunk almost an entire bottle of red wine to my self and am not in bed yet dispite The Boyfriends protests because quite frankly... I haven't done this in a long time and it's something I enjoy. I like to stay up late on the PC getting drunk while reading pron and keeping up to date with my current youtube vlogers. I am ADDICTED to vlogging.
I haven't been able to do this since I started staying with The Boyfriend more and more. He works random hours and he's a bit of a sook when it comes to cuddles. Which I love.
But sometimes I think a bit of 'Me' time would be good. I WANT to stay up late. I never get drunk because The Boyfriend hates alcahol but sometimes it would be nice to get hammered and forget what I did the next day. Is it wrong to not want to act like a grown up 24/7?
Sometimes being around him is so... cold?
I miss being stupid, spon-tan-u-us and random.
I MISS DANCING IN PUBLIC!
>__>
But I love him to much to push him away by being that girl again.
That crazy, somewhat messed up... totally messy girl.
*sigh*
OH OH OH
you know who's awesome?
My mum!
Guess what she did?
NO... GUESS!
wrong.
She bought me and Josh an electric blanket because she wasn't sure we were warm enough and bought be a new journal for all my Wheeling's and dealings.
I love my mum. She's so rad.
... what else?
OH I love livelavalive on youtube.
I think that's all.
OH and should I get twitter? I know it's shit but frezned my all time fave vlogger has one and maybe I can talk to him!!! O__O!
or not.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Thursday, September 10, 2009
My Life...
Is soooo boring.
=[
Today I woke up at around 2:00pm got dressed and went to the shops.
I purchased;
1 2L Coke-a-cola
1 punnet of strawberries
1 thingy of creme
2 packets of chips
2 Continental pasta dishes
Then I got some KFC and walked home.
annnnd then I lazed around, had a shower, watched shitty daytime TV... ate my strawberries with creme and had some cola...
*sigh*
I think I need a hobby...
and a better diet.
That's all she wrote
- Miss Bailey
Xx
=[
Today I woke up at around 2:00pm got dressed and went to the shops.
I purchased;
1 2L Coke-a-cola
1 punnet of strawberries
1 thingy of creme
2 packets of chips
2 Continental pasta dishes
Then I got some KFC and walked home.
annnnd then I lazed around, had a shower, watched shitty daytime TV... ate my strawberries with creme and had some cola...
*sigh*
I think I need a hobby...
and a better diet.
That's all she wrote
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Simon Says...
... wicked bob.
So I'm high... ish, kinda... maybe...
lol, isn't it funny that I'm not sure?
I wish I was triping right now. I had some acid but it didn't even keep me awake.
ugh.
fail.
I played space hulk and NEARLY won. lol.
and...
I surprisingly had fun...
SORT BLOG. HIGH BLOG.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
So I'm high... ish, kinda... maybe...
lol, isn't it funny that I'm not sure?
I wish I was triping right now. I had some acid but it didn't even keep me awake.
ugh.
fail.
I played space hulk and NEARLY won. lol.
and...
I surprisingly had fun...
SORT BLOG. HIGH BLOG.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Friday, September 4, 2009
Jew jew lame penis....
...LOL
So because I worked while half dead last night I seem to have done even more damage to my tooth, GO ME! This means that the acting classes I have today have to be post-poned,,,,, and I have no mobile phone and I got the guys voice mail, so I have to stay awake and wait to call the fucker at 1:00pm. >__< and I have a headache.
Anyway Josh called me at 12:00 to let me know I have an acting appointment in EAST FREAMANTLE at 3:00... >__> I have never been there before and you give me3 hours to get there????
I kill you.
This guys going to hate me.
ugh.
OH and I have an audition tomorrow I am so not ready for... I don't think I'll go.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
So because I worked while half dead last night I seem to have done even more damage to my tooth, GO ME! This means that the acting classes I have today have to be post-poned,,,,, and I have no mobile phone and I got the guys voice mail, so I have to stay awake and wait to call the fucker at 1:00pm. >__< and I have a headache.
Anyway Josh called me at 12:00 to let me know I have an acting appointment in EAST FREAMANTLE at 3:00... >__> I have never been there before and you give me3 hours to get there????
I kill you.
This guys going to hate me.
ugh.
OH and I have an audition tomorrow I am so not ready for... I don't think I'll go.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Thursday, September 3, 2009
11:39 Thursday night...
... crisis of faith.
I am a scab.
A moocher.
Whatever you want to call it.
Pretty much I love free stuff and I don't see a problem with that most of the time, If I can get something for free, that's awesome and I'll go for it. OH GOSH, I sounded like a whore then. =/
But no seriously, I will giggle and flirt for something but mostly I don't have to because I'm just a good person, and it makes other people feel good to give me free stuff.
ANYWAY, which brings us to my point.
The Newbie! I think that's what I dubbed her in previous blogs is a very awesome chick who happens to have fuck off rich parentals and although she's only like, 17, lives by herself in a cute little apartment so she can attend uni in Perth while her parentals have fun on there property in bat shit no where.
So I haven't really minded crashing here because I buy my own food and I guess she must get lonely here all by herself all the time and I like to think I've been filling some of that void.
But,
Tonight I walk in and she's cry and looking for her ipod and The Boyfriend and I had just kinda gone to bed after using all her hot water and we hadn't done the dishes and I got this awful feeling that I've overstayed my welcome. =/
Now the question is do I go impose some more on my parents or stay here and flounder till The boyfriend gets his own place or she asks me to leave?
Which also brings up the fact that I really don't have any space of my own and I feel really a-drift right now which is not a good way for me to live I HATE feeling like that.
...
Oh well.
-That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
I am a scab.
A moocher.
Whatever you want to call it.
Pretty much I love free stuff and I don't see a problem with that most of the time, If I can get something for free, that's awesome and I'll go for it. OH GOSH, I sounded like a whore then. =/
But no seriously, I will giggle and flirt for something but mostly I don't have to because I'm just a good person, and it makes other people feel good to give me free stuff.
ANYWAY, which brings us to my point.
The Newbie! I think that's what I dubbed her in previous blogs is a very awesome chick who happens to have fuck off rich parentals and although she's only like, 17, lives by herself in a cute little apartment so she can attend uni in Perth while her parentals have fun on there property in bat shit no where.
So I haven't really minded crashing here because I buy my own food and I guess she must get lonely here all by herself all the time and I like to think I've been filling some of that void.
But,
Tonight I walk in and she's cry and looking for her ipod and The Boyfriend and I had just kinda gone to bed after using all her hot water and we hadn't done the dishes and I got this awful feeling that I've overstayed my welcome. =/
Now the question is do I go impose some more on my parents or stay here and flounder till The boyfriend gets his own place or she asks me to leave?
Which also brings up the fact that I really don't have any space of my own and I feel really a-drift right now which is not a good way for me to live I HATE feeling like that.
...
Oh well.
-That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Welcome to September...
Lets kick off this month with a bout of sickness that makes it impossiable for you to keep your food down and some very expensive and painful denstestry.
I hate my teeth.
Not only are they crooked and yellowing, when I was little I really didn't like brushing them but I did like Coca-Cola. So they suffered a bit of decay. So I really should go to a dentist. But besides the usual hating of dentists everyone else has I am also highly... like... fucking ridiculously Needle-phobic.
Just typing that took effort.
So when part of one of my back teeth snapped off I dealt with the pain and was fine UNTIL last saturday when guring I forgot about my tooth and gurned on it. and ate food on it...
>__<
So, now it's infected and leaking poison into my blood.
It's been three days since I've eaten food.
Notably, I like not eating, I'm loosing weight quite rapidly.
*sigh* I suppose I haven't had a life threatening illness for a while, it was on my to do list.
I'm about to attempt to eat some yogo.
[its that or pizza, unless anyone would like to bring me some vegetables???]
OH and I have an audition in 5 days.
Lets hope I don't throw up on the directors shoes. =/
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
I hate my teeth.
Not only are they crooked and yellowing, when I was little I really didn't like brushing them but I did like Coca-Cola. So they suffered a bit of decay. So I really should go to a dentist. But besides the usual hating of dentists everyone else has I am also highly... like... fucking ridiculously Needle-phobic.
Just typing that took effort.
So when part of one of my back teeth snapped off I dealt with the pain and was fine UNTIL last saturday when guring I forgot about my tooth and gurned on it. and ate food on it...
>__<
So, now it's infected and leaking poison into my blood.
It's been three days since I've eaten food.
Notably, I like not eating, I'm loosing weight quite rapidly.
*sigh* I suppose I haven't had a life threatening illness for a while, it was on my to do list.
I'm about to attempt to eat some yogo.
[its that or pizza, unless anyone would like to bring me some vegetables???]
OH and I have an audition in 5 days.
Lets hope I don't throw up on the directors shoes. =/
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Monday, August 31, 2009
Still Standing...
... just.
After an amazing weekend with some good friends, where I felt both more alive and more dead than I have ever felt in my life.
After getting quizzed and snapped at by my boyfriend.
After the gurning caused me to have the worst toothache ever.
After The Boyfriend realised that I am never going to cheat on him and that I will be there for him forever and forgave me for getting high.
Yep.
I'm still standing... Just.
After an amazing weekend with some good friends, where I felt both more alive and more dead than I have ever felt in my life.
After getting quizzed and snapped at by my boyfriend.
After the gurning caused me to have the worst toothache ever.
After The Boyfriend realised that I am never going to cheat on him and that I will be there for him forever and forgave me for getting high.
Yep.
I'm still standing... Just.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Dear Diary,
I am a lazy bitch who really needs to get her ass off the couch.
That is all.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
That is all.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Friday, August 21, 2009
Sometimes I'm Lost...
.... But sometimes... I'm right on the money.
Hello world,
Today was lazy as most days are and I realised The Stalker still has my shoes.
Today I felt a little moody, I yelled at The Father-Figure, and was yelled at right back.
Today was strange.
Today was The New-ones first day of promotions at the place that I work...
... she was awesome.
I left The Boyfriend there today.
Today he got a text message from The Before-girl.
I felt like a Substitute-Girl again.
Today, he also had visitors in the form of The Stalker and The Wronged.
Today I realised how stupid it was to give people these names... nobody knows who they are... and if they read it, they could figure it was them-selves...
Who am I protecting them from?
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Hello world,
Today was lazy as most days are and I realised The Stalker still has my shoes.
Today I felt a little moody, I yelled at The Father-Figure, and was yelled at right back.
Today was strange.
Today was The New-ones first day of promotions at the place that I work...
... she was awesome.
I left The Boyfriend there today.
Today he got a text message from The Before-girl.
I felt like a Substitute-Girl again.
Today, he also had visitors in the form of The Stalker and The Wronged.
Today I realised how stupid it was to give people these names... nobody knows who they are... and if they read it, they could figure it was them-selves...
Who am I protecting them from?
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
so...
I retract everything I said in my previous post.
=]
OH and I found the koolest PC today... was a touch screen...
... I touched it. ^^
Xx
=]
OH and I found the koolest PC today... was a touch screen...
... I touched it. ^^
Xx
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
fucking emo fucking... fuck.
Dear Diary,
Today was okay. I got to sleep in and then got up to go to Perth with The Boyfriend. Then The Stalker showed up. The Stalker was nice and friendly and keeps commenting me on face space. >__< I hate her. And I think I am totally justifide... yes, we worked on our issues and people should but out of our business, but I don't have to like her. I don't have to KNOW her... but social networking sites make it fucking hard not too. "Dear face space, please hide my existance from all the people I hate... homophobes and people I wont like... oh, and fat people."
So I dealt nicely with her, I was okay. Then I saw my Pet with her boyfriend in Perth. ugh. >__> I hate that guy. He treats her more like a possesion than anything else... kinda like the stalker treats my boyfriend... it's very annoying.
So then he gets a call from his boss asking him to work tomorrow and ...
you know what, I don't even know why I'm whinging about this... *sigh*
We didn't have definant plans and shit but I would kind of like some one on one time with him.
I know I can't complain really... thats why I complain on here. It's not even a real complaint! I probably wont even care by tomorrow. But right now I just feel all emo because I wanted to... go to fremantle and go op-shopping... or get ice-cream or SOMETHING. Damn he is even more of a social fucking butterfly than I am.
I actually feel like I have surrenedered alot more time with friends and family for this relationship than he ever has... and he's not really interested in my friends. OH OH, major bitch! Like... When I see one of his friends on the street, I stop while they chat. With me, he ignores them and me and keeps walking.
>__<
Okay, rant over.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Today was okay. I got to sleep in and then got up to go to Perth with The Boyfriend. Then The Stalker showed up. The Stalker was nice and friendly and keeps commenting me on face space. >__< I hate her. And I think I am totally justifide... yes, we worked on our issues and people should but out of our business, but I don't have to like her. I don't have to KNOW her... but social networking sites make it fucking hard not too. "Dear face space, please hide my existance from all the people I hate... homophobes and people I wont like... oh, and fat people."
So I dealt nicely with her, I was okay. Then I saw my Pet with her boyfriend in Perth. ugh. >__> I hate that guy. He treats her more like a possesion than anything else... kinda like the stalker treats my boyfriend... it's very annoying.
So then he gets a call from his boss asking him to work tomorrow and ...
you know what, I don't even know why I'm whinging about this... *sigh*
We didn't have definant plans and shit but I would kind of like some one on one time with him.
I know I can't complain really... thats why I complain on here. It's not even a real complaint! I probably wont even care by tomorrow. But right now I just feel all emo because I wanted to... go to fremantle and go op-shopping... or get ice-cream or SOMETHING. Damn he is even more of a social fucking butterfly than I am.
I actually feel like I have surrenedered alot more time with friends and family for this relationship than he ever has... and he's not really interested in my friends. OH OH, major bitch! Like... When I see one of his friends on the street, I stop while they chat. With me, he ignores them and me and keeps walking.
>__<
Okay, rant over.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Something about pillows
credited to Caitlyn.
=D
Dearest Blogspot,
Today I woke up at 3:00pm to a reasonably quiet house. The Boyfriends sister was watching TV and his mum was passed out on the couch. Passed out drunk? Asleep?
Probably the former.
I feel so bad because she's not my mum and even if The Boyfriend speaks ill of her I don't really think that I can. He has a weird relationship with her, but at the end of the day, she's his mother.
I got to Perth and had myself some red rooster and delivered The Boyfriend some food while he was at work. There's something off about him lately. I can't quite put my finger on it but he's up to something. Maybe it involves the women in his life. Chloe?
I like her. But why doesn't he ever invite me to hang out with them? They are always alone and he sees her quite a bit. I don't believe he'd ever PHYSICALLY cheat on me... but maybe he likes her more. Could he be in love with her more than he's in love with me? I'd like to say that I'm just being paranoid and it's not true.... but I don't know that.
The Stalker.
*grrr*
Why is she still around?
Why did she add me to facespace?
Why are they still talking if he hates her so much? O__o
What really happened while we were broken up?
So many questions....
Did you ever love her?
Did you have sex with her more than once?
If she had decided to date you, would you have even looked at me again?
Did you break up with me for her?
You joked the other day that if you ever wanted to cheat on me you'd just break up with me and then get back together with me later... Is that what you did?
All these questions that I don't feel I can ask you because you might get sad or angry... or think I'm a crazy bitch.
I know there's more to this story than he's telling...
I'm not stupid.
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey
Xx
=D
Dearest Blogspot,
Today I woke up at 3:00pm to a reasonably quiet house. The Boyfriends sister was watching TV and his mum was passed out on the couch. Passed out drunk? Asleep?
Probably the former.
I feel so bad because she's not my mum and even if The Boyfriend speaks ill of her I don't really think that I can. He has a weird relationship with her, but at the end of the day, she's his mother.
I got to Perth and had myself some red rooster and delivered The Boyfriend some food while he was at work. There's something off about him lately. I can't quite put my finger on it but he's up to something. Maybe it involves the women in his life. Chloe?
I like her. But why doesn't he ever invite me to hang out with them? They are always alone and he sees her quite a bit. I don't believe he'd ever PHYSICALLY cheat on me... but maybe he likes her more. Could he be in love with her more than he's in love with me? I'd like to say that I'm just being paranoid and it's not true.... but I don't know that.
The Stalker.
*grrr*
Why is she still around?
Why did she add me to facespace?
Why are they still talking if he hates her so much? O__o
What really happened while we were broken up?
So many questions....
Did you ever love her?
Did you have sex with her more than once?
If she had decided to date you, would you have even looked at me again?
Did you break up with me for her?
You joked the other day that if you ever wanted to cheat on me you'd just break up with me and then get back together with me later... Is that what you did?
All these questions that I don't feel I can ask you because you might get sad or angry... or think I'm a crazy bitch.
I know there's more to this story than he's telling...
I'm not stupid.
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey
Xx
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Stuff... and junk.
So for years now my mother has been trying to get me to go to a mental health doctor. Someone who can look at why I'm completely insane and give me some meds. Yeah, I love my mother.
Anyway I've been denying there's anything wrong with me for years, but quite recently I've started thinking that perhaps she's right and there is something wrong with me.
I sleep, ALL THE TIME!
When asked about hobbies I generally list Sleep as number one.
I have no motivation and a fear of failing that generally keeps me from trying.
When given the opportunity... I drink to much and emotional eat.
And sometimes even though everything's okay, I feel like crying.
But meds just seem... I dunno. It might help but will it change me? Because a lot of people seem to like me just the way I am...
Seem to.
...
I hope they do.
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey
Xx
Anyway I've been denying there's anything wrong with me for years, but quite recently I've started thinking that perhaps she's right and there is something wrong with me.
I sleep, ALL THE TIME!
When asked about hobbies I generally list Sleep as number one.
I have no motivation and a fear of failing that generally keeps me from trying.
When given the opportunity... I drink to much and emotional eat.
And sometimes even though everything's okay, I feel like crying.
But meds just seem... I dunno. It might help but will it change me? Because a lot of people seem to like me just the way I am...
Seem to.
...
I hope they do.
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey
Xx
Sunday, August 9, 2009
My space... [literally]
This weekend was FUCKED.
It all started with The boyfriend and myself and a whole lot of nothing. No money. >__> I wish I was rich if not just to stop situations like that happening. When I have no money I get moody. I hate not having that security and control. I suppose you could say it makes me nervous.
So, we had stayed at his mother's house the night before, on the cutest make-shift bed of cushions and blankets. Our nest. I was feeling really sick, no idea why. He woke me up in the morning because we had to trek it to Nollamara. Having no cash, this proved difficult. We made it to Perth and totally ninja'd our way through the gates.
The boyfriend is the sneakiest ninja I know.
So now we only had the issue of the bus ride/ eating lunch. I managed to sell one of my drinks I had acquired the night before at work. We got to Nollamara. We got's four donuts.
*om nom nom*
We had a nap.
He tried to iron his shirt, but because of shoddy materials, the shirt got ruined. This is where my boyfriends not easy to deal with. He has coping issues. When I get mad I get emotional and have a cuddle or something like that. He twitches and hits his hands on whatever he can reach. Notably, never me... and he hardly even raises his voice.
I think because I live in a house where the only male I ever really see angry is my dad... and that anger can often be directed at me, I get twitchy.
I dart around and desperately try and diffuse the situation.
In this case I took the ruined shirt and took of my work shirt. I put it on and tied off the ends, hoping I looked okay even though I was showing a bit of tummy.
He almost smiled.
=]
After we'd had a shower and stuff, gotten ready and I had attempted to do my hair with only a dodgy comb we went to leave. But the boyfriend stopped in the doorway and asked if I'd seen his umbrella. I hadn't. He was sure he'd left it there and went to have a look. I however opted to stay outside because I was quite sure what was coming. The umbrella had gone mysteriously missing.
Most people would be like... whats with the dramatics? It's just an umbrella.
But I get why the boyfriend was so upset. Someone had been in his room and gone through his things. They had taken his favorite umbrella, the one that looked like an everyday business man's umbrella but showed a clear sky pictured on the inside. The boyfriend had been carrying that umbrella around obsessively for months now. And now because of the dodgy people that extenuating circumstances had forced him to live with, it was gone.
YAY LIFE!
So, with him swearing to himself and getting more and more agitated, we walked toward Perth's most violent bus station. Him carrying his suit. Me with my fuck-off heavy bag full of crap. About half way down the road, the heavens opened up and completely soaked us with rain. I almost felt like laughing. No umbrella... it had been sunny all of 20 minuets before hand. WHY!?
We arrived, drenched to the bones. My broken shoes that I couldn't afford to replace full of water and a very angry boyfriend who's suit was drenched through. So now when he went to dinner with his boss, not only would he be flat broke but he would be in the suit he didn't want to be in that now smelled of mildu. Today was not a good day.
I still had two donuts in my bag that we hadn't 'om nomed' yet. I ate one, but then the boyfriend decided he only wanted half of his. We were both starving.
We arrived in Perth city, soaked and emotional. My socks were completely wet and I new going to work was going to fail pretty hardcore. He suggested that we take our whole $1 and 60 cents and go down to the vegetarian 'pay what your heart feels' restaurant on the foreshore. GOSH, I have never felt so guilty.
We ate a variety of curry's, a rice pudding, and two glasses of juice for $1.60. If there is a next life, I'm coming back as a slug.
So then we go on to work. I actually had an okay night. I was set down to the basement, that I think is like... cheesy-horror movie-esc. =P
I sat down there, sipping my cola and counting the free passes we had left. It was really warm down there so I didn't need my jacket and I felt really relaxed despite my still damp clothes.
When I went upstairs I helped set up the mezzanine for a party, and then we went out on the street. Only one person got me seriously angry, he said "Are those free passes?" I said yes and handed him two, one for him and a friend, and he screamed "TRASH!" at me and then through the passes up in the air, stalking quickly down the street.
I yelled something about his I.Q and that being related to the size of his dick, but he was already gone. The boyfriend didn't really see what happened but he wasn't happy when I told him about it. I like it when he gets protective. ^^
And 'blah blah blah' the night went on... we nearly missed the train because the money I thought I had collected wasn't there. Luckily, we found a transit guard who was actually nice and let us on for free.
We got to Caitlins and all was well.
Went to sleep all curled up on the bottom bunk instead of in the separate beds.
The next thing I know, my nervous dream about the upcoming WAPAA audition is cut short by the boyfriend telling me to "wake up now! my alarm didn't go off! I might be fired!" So he's panicking and no shower no nothing I am whisked out of bed and into my clothes and then forced to run in broken shoes and still soggy socks down the main street in Maylands. I had blisters on my feet. It fucking hurt. I just couldn't take the abrupt wake up and swollen feet combo and just broke down. *sigh*
Yes, so the boyfriend now also had to deal with me, in tears, people staring at the traino... sleep still crusting my eyes.
Yeah, and then I finally got home and had a shower. And as much as I love my boyfriend, I am glad to have my own bed and space and clothes...
even though I've stolen his jumper ^^
yep... rant over.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
It all started with The boyfriend and myself and a whole lot of nothing. No money. >__> I wish I was rich if not just to stop situations like that happening. When I have no money I get moody. I hate not having that security and control. I suppose you could say it makes me nervous.
So, we had stayed at his mother's house the night before, on the cutest make-shift bed of cushions and blankets. Our nest. I was feeling really sick, no idea why. He woke me up in the morning because we had to trek it to Nollamara. Having no cash, this proved difficult. We made it to Perth and totally ninja'd our way through the gates.
The boyfriend is the sneakiest ninja I know.
So now we only had the issue of the bus ride/ eating lunch. I managed to sell one of my drinks I had acquired the night before at work. We got to Nollamara. We got's four donuts.
*om nom nom*
We had a nap.
He tried to iron his shirt, but because of shoddy materials, the shirt got ruined. This is where my boyfriends not easy to deal with. He has coping issues. When I get mad I get emotional and have a cuddle or something like that. He twitches and hits his hands on whatever he can reach. Notably, never me... and he hardly even raises his voice.
I think because I live in a house where the only male I ever really see angry is my dad... and that anger can often be directed at me, I get twitchy.
I dart around and desperately try and diffuse the situation.
In this case I took the ruined shirt and took of my work shirt. I put it on and tied off the ends, hoping I looked okay even though I was showing a bit of tummy.
He almost smiled.
=]
After we'd had a shower and stuff, gotten ready and I had attempted to do my hair with only a dodgy comb we went to leave. But the boyfriend stopped in the doorway and asked if I'd seen his umbrella. I hadn't. He was sure he'd left it there and went to have a look. I however opted to stay outside because I was quite sure what was coming. The umbrella had gone mysteriously missing.
Most people would be like... whats with the dramatics? It's just an umbrella.
But I get why the boyfriend was so upset. Someone had been in his room and gone through his things. They had taken his favorite umbrella, the one that looked like an everyday business man's umbrella but showed a clear sky pictured on the inside. The boyfriend had been carrying that umbrella around obsessively for months now. And now because of the dodgy people that extenuating circumstances had forced him to live with, it was gone.
YAY LIFE!
So, with him swearing to himself and getting more and more agitated, we walked toward Perth's most violent bus station. Him carrying his suit. Me with my fuck-off heavy bag full of crap. About half way down the road, the heavens opened up and completely soaked us with rain. I almost felt like laughing. No umbrella... it had been sunny all of 20 minuets before hand. WHY!?
We arrived, drenched to the bones. My broken shoes that I couldn't afford to replace full of water and a very angry boyfriend who's suit was drenched through. So now when he went to dinner with his boss, not only would he be flat broke but he would be in the suit he didn't want to be in that now smelled of mildu. Today was not a good day.
I still had two donuts in my bag that we hadn't 'om nomed' yet. I ate one, but then the boyfriend decided he only wanted half of his. We were both starving.
We arrived in Perth city, soaked and emotional. My socks were completely wet and I new going to work was going to fail pretty hardcore. He suggested that we take our whole $1 and 60 cents and go down to the vegetarian 'pay what your heart feels' restaurant on the foreshore. GOSH, I have never felt so guilty.
We ate a variety of curry's, a rice pudding, and two glasses of juice for $1.60. If there is a next life, I'm coming back as a slug.
So then we go on to work. I actually had an okay night. I was set down to the basement, that I think is like... cheesy-horror movie-esc. =P
I sat down there, sipping my cola and counting the free passes we had left. It was really warm down there so I didn't need my jacket and I felt really relaxed despite my still damp clothes.
When I went upstairs I helped set up the mezzanine for a party, and then we went out on the street. Only one person got me seriously angry, he said "Are those free passes?" I said yes and handed him two, one for him and a friend, and he screamed "TRASH!" at me and then through the passes up in the air, stalking quickly down the street.
I yelled something about his I.Q and that being related to the size of his dick, but he was already gone. The boyfriend didn't really see what happened but he wasn't happy when I told him about it. I like it when he gets protective. ^^
And 'blah blah blah' the night went on... we nearly missed the train because the money I thought I had collected wasn't there. Luckily, we found a transit guard who was actually nice and let us on for free.
We got to Caitlins and all was well.
Went to sleep all curled up on the bottom bunk instead of in the separate beds.
The next thing I know, my nervous dream about the upcoming WAPAA audition is cut short by the boyfriend telling me to "wake up now! my alarm didn't go off! I might be fired!" So he's panicking and no shower no nothing I am whisked out of bed and into my clothes and then forced to run in broken shoes and still soggy socks down the main street in Maylands. I had blisters on my feet. It fucking hurt. I just couldn't take the abrupt wake up and swollen feet combo and just broke down. *sigh*
Yes, so the boyfriend now also had to deal with me, in tears, people staring at the traino... sleep still crusting my eyes.
Yeah, and then I finally got home and had a shower. And as much as I love my boyfriend, I am glad to have my own bed and space and clothes...
even though I've stolen his jumper ^^
yep... rant over.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Lets get watsed!
Ever get that feeling that you just want to get messy?
You want to gurn on everything and get so drunk you throw up...
That's the feeling I have right now.
And it is not going to happen due to the fact the boyfriend hates it when I get drunk/high AND I have work.
^^ GO TEAM!
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey
Xx
You want to gurn on everything and get so drunk you throw up...
That's the feeling I have right now.
And it is not going to happen due to the fact the boyfriend hates it when I get drunk/high AND I have work.
^^ GO TEAM!
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey
Xx
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sign-language for FAIL!
So I've been crying again...
UGH! and I was so happy!
Fucking hormones >__>
...
So I'm lying in bed next to the boyfriend. and suddenly I remember lying next to him long ago... well, not that long ago, and I remember feeling like a whore. I felt so horribly dirty because I though he was using me and I wasn't doing anything to stop him, because I love him.
Sometimes I think these wounds wont heal... that for the rest of my time with him these emotions will keep over flowing. Because how can I say that to him?
How can I say "I am crying because long ago you treated me like a dirty slut... now sometimes I feel like that's true"
YEAH, that's going to do WONDERS for his self esteem...
*sigh*
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
UGH! and I was so happy!
Fucking hormones >__>
...
So I'm lying in bed next to the boyfriend. and suddenly I remember lying next to him long ago... well, not that long ago, and I remember feeling like a whore. I felt so horribly dirty because I though he was using me and I wasn't doing anything to stop him, because I love him.
Sometimes I think these wounds wont heal... that for the rest of my time with him these emotions will keep over flowing. Because how can I say that to him?
How can I say "I am crying because long ago you treated me like a dirty slut... now sometimes I feel like that's true"
YEAH, that's going to do WONDERS for his self esteem...
*sigh*
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Sitting on my cruxifix...
I sat down and wrote a post before this one that pretty much made me out to be a horrible person and a selfish girlfriend.
...
I am neither of those things.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
...
I am neither of those things.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Trivial Pursuit...
Of all the trivial things to start a blog with, I think I'm about to take the cake. Should I get a facebook?
Okay so I've been asking myself this a lot lately because it seems the whole fucking world has one. But I don't want one! I really am content with myspace... it's practically facebook now anyway, but all my friends and even my boyfriend are now relying on facbook rather than myspace to communicate with everyone. My dad [who has facebook] knows what my boyfriend is doing more often than I do. But it seems to me like facebook stalking could be a very awkward thing. I mean, it's harder to find people on myspace than on facebook. And those people from years ago that your glad you have forgotten, can locate you quickly and easily if they so choose. And if you deny them, well that just shows what you think about them really... and in a worl were being two-faced often pays off, I don't like that.
I mean what if my ex-best friend from primary school decided to add me?
If I deny her, chances are she'll go tell her mother who happens to be one of my mothers closest friends. Then all hell breaks loose and I get accused of being petty and holding grudges. Both might be true, but I get enough shit for that as it is. I don't want her to add me. I don't want to talk to her. But chaces are on the face-space that our paths may cross and we would feel OBLIGATED to talk to each other.
It's the polite thing to do.
I like myspace because it doesn't tell you who you know and only recently started asking me if 'I think I know this person'.
Or maybe I'm reading to much into this...
Probably the latter.
Next on my agender is ART WANK!!!!!
Art wank: This is the way people writing things in a way that is forced artsy. Like they sit there and think for an age about the most interesting and post modern way to say "I hate men, they fucking suck."
>__<
I hate it when you see these blogs and you can barely read them for the melodramatic emo poetry that discribes there life. "I sat on the sofa. It was soft and red and seemed to comfot me in these dark times. I don't know why I send these signals to men, to taunt, to tease. I feel so alone, like my heart has been ripped out and slowly crushed. Please, darkness, carry me away on a star or a cloud to a place where suffering exits no more!"
>__>
Hows about we write like real people instead of sudo intellectuals?
"He dumped me! What a fucker... think I'll go cut myself ASAP!"
<__<
Finally and probably more importantly than all the other rubbish I spill golly gosh it's my siblings birthday tomorrow and I doubt I'll even get to see her and I don't have money for a present. I am helping The Boyfriend move house tomorrow and it seems he'd like that to get done in the afternoon. YAY! RIGHT WHEN SHE FINISHES SCHOOL!!!!
- ___ -"
I want to get her a box of cupcakes, [which I will then force her to share] but with my budget as follows good fucking luck. I doubt I'll be able to even eat this week.
:::
$160 earth dollars
-
$50 earth dollars for the parental units.
That there leaves me with a whole $110 earth dollars.
Then you should probably set aside $8 per day for public transportation. FUCK TRANSPERTH!
so like...
that's 16..
then like...
24...
so yeah around $24.
O__o
um so yes. that's the rest I have to play with and I'ma need a new sookie stackhouse novel and money for applying to WAPAA.
FAIL!
Speaking of which, I haven't started my application yet because it's impossible without the photo's.
Oh yeah... photo's... $20.
=[
fail fail fail fail.
ANYWAY,
Should probably go to bed as The Boyfriend is already asleep.
He doesn't like sleeping alone.
=]
*dances* He loves me ^^
lol
Okay, END GAME!
That's all she wrote.
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Okay so I've been asking myself this a lot lately because it seems the whole fucking world has one. But I don't want one! I really am content with myspace... it's practically facebook now anyway, but all my friends and even my boyfriend are now relying on facbook rather than myspace to communicate with everyone. My dad [who has facebook] knows what my boyfriend is doing more often than I do. But it seems to me like facebook stalking could be a very awkward thing. I mean, it's harder to find people on myspace than on facebook. And those people from years ago that your glad you have forgotten, can locate you quickly and easily if they so choose. And if you deny them, well that just shows what you think about them really... and in a worl were being two-faced often pays off, I don't like that.
I mean what if my ex-best friend from primary school decided to add me?
If I deny her, chances are she'll go tell her mother who happens to be one of my mothers closest friends. Then all hell breaks loose and I get accused of being petty and holding grudges. Both might be true, but I get enough shit for that as it is. I don't want her to add me. I don't want to talk to her. But chaces are on the face-space that our paths may cross and we would feel OBLIGATED to talk to each other.
It's the polite thing to do.
I like myspace because it doesn't tell you who you know and only recently started asking me if 'I think I know this person'.
Or maybe I'm reading to much into this...
Probably the latter.
Next on my agender is ART WANK!!!!!
Art wank: This is the way people writing things in a way that is forced artsy. Like they sit there and think for an age about the most interesting and post modern way to say "I hate men, they fucking suck."
>__<
I hate it when you see these blogs and you can barely read them for the melodramatic emo poetry that discribes there life. "I sat on the sofa. It was soft and red and seemed to comfot me in these dark times. I don't know why I send these signals to men, to taunt, to tease. I feel so alone, like my heart has been ripped out and slowly crushed. Please, darkness, carry me away on a star or a cloud to a place where suffering exits no more!"
>__>
Hows about we write like real people instead of sudo intellectuals?
"He dumped me! What a fucker... think I'll go cut myself ASAP!"
<__<
Finally and probably more importantly than all the other rubbish I spill golly gosh it's my siblings birthday tomorrow and I doubt I'll even get to see her and I don't have money for a present. I am helping The Boyfriend move house tomorrow and it seems he'd like that to get done in the afternoon. YAY! RIGHT WHEN SHE FINISHES SCHOOL!!!!
- ___ -"
I want to get her a box of cupcakes, [which I will then force her to share] but with my budget as follows good fucking luck. I doubt I'll be able to even eat this week.
:::
$160 earth dollars
-
$50 earth dollars for the parental units.
That there leaves me with a whole $110 earth dollars.
Then you should probably set aside $8 per day for public transportation. FUCK TRANSPERTH!
so like...
that's 16..
then like...
24...
so yeah around $24.
O__o
um so yes. that's the rest I have to play with and I'ma need a new sookie stackhouse novel and money for applying to WAPAA.
FAIL!
Speaking of which, I haven't started my application yet because it's impossible without the photo's.
Oh yeah... photo's... $20.
=[
fail fail fail fail.
ANYWAY,
Should probably go to bed as The Boyfriend is already asleep.
He doesn't like sleeping alone.
=]
*dances* He loves me ^^
lol
Okay, END GAME!
That's all she wrote.
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Monday, July 27, 2009
dot dot dot
Dear Life,
Thank you for taking some sort of shape. It's an odd shape and well, maybe a bit abstract, but a shape non-the-less. It would be real nice if you would stop procrastinating. Or, make me stop procrastinating. I need some pep/get up and go, I need to stop being so lazy, If I really want to get you on track. I suppose this blog is good in a way. It gets me used to writing more. If you go in the way I plan I'll be off to WAPAA and then I'll be writing essays and articles and pages upon pages of drivel on some guy who once wrote a play that never got published but shows great caricaturisation... or good blocking and stage directions and why these are important.
Sometimes life, I wonder why you didn't make me something simple. I could have just been an average office worker... maybe been promoted. I could have lived comfortably and quietly, never making a splash or needing to try to hard. And life, you know how happy I would be with that???
But instead I'm given this bug, this virus. It itches under my skin and it pulses through my veins and makes me crave the bright lights and the laughter. I want to see emotion in the faces of the people when I look up. I want to see millions of people, as many as can fit, staring down in awe at the brightly lit stage where I recite things to make them laugh and cry. I want them to walk away feeling shocked, happy, sad, together, angry... whatever they need to.... but mostly I want to entertain. I want each person to leave that place entertained.
Sometimes life you like to throw me curve balls. Things that just don't fit. Sometimes I wonder what will happen to me and the friends I've made and the relationship I'm in because of this desire you give me... Does he even want to travel?
And this is not me saying it will last forever, but what If there comes a point that I have to choose. Choose between being with the someone I love and the stage. What then? Could I ever be content with just doing a basic job now that I've tasted something so sweet?
Would he ask me to do that?
It's probably a stupid fear... but it doesn't just count to my current boyfriend. It counts for any guy I may end up dating. I will have very little time once I'm in WAPAA for anything. I wont be able to move out for 3 years unless someone supports me. I will be very high maintenance.
I can't really expect anyone to stand by three years of watching me on a highly emotional and demanding course and struggling with time and pressure. I would drive myself mad and probably will.
Maybe my art will strangle any relationship I'm in.
In fact I'm almost certain it will.
Life, in closing I'd like to say... thank you for being a shape... but if you could pull off being a normal shape that would be nice. I'd like to see where you go.
Please?
That's all she wrote.
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Thank you for taking some sort of shape. It's an odd shape and well, maybe a bit abstract, but a shape non-the-less. It would be real nice if you would stop procrastinating. Or, make me stop procrastinating. I need some pep/get up and go, I need to stop being so lazy, If I really want to get you on track. I suppose this blog is good in a way. It gets me used to writing more. If you go in the way I plan I'll be off to WAPAA and then I'll be writing essays and articles and pages upon pages of drivel on some guy who once wrote a play that never got published but shows great caricaturisation... or good blocking and stage directions and why these are important.
Sometimes life, I wonder why you didn't make me something simple. I could have just been an average office worker... maybe been promoted. I could have lived comfortably and quietly, never making a splash or needing to try to hard. And life, you know how happy I would be with that???
But instead I'm given this bug, this virus. It itches under my skin and it pulses through my veins and makes me crave the bright lights and the laughter. I want to see emotion in the faces of the people when I look up. I want to see millions of people, as many as can fit, staring down in awe at the brightly lit stage where I recite things to make them laugh and cry. I want them to walk away feeling shocked, happy, sad, together, angry... whatever they need to.... but mostly I want to entertain. I want each person to leave that place entertained.
Sometimes life you like to throw me curve balls. Things that just don't fit. Sometimes I wonder what will happen to me and the friends I've made and the relationship I'm in because of this desire you give me... Does he even want to travel?
And this is not me saying it will last forever, but what If there comes a point that I have to choose. Choose between being with the someone I love and the stage. What then? Could I ever be content with just doing a basic job now that I've tasted something so sweet?
Would he ask me to do that?
It's probably a stupid fear... but it doesn't just count to my current boyfriend. It counts for any guy I may end up dating. I will have very little time once I'm in WAPAA for anything. I wont be able to move out for 3 years unless someone supports me. I will be very high maintenance.
I can't really expect anyone to stand by three years of watching me on a highly emotional and demanding course and struggling with time and pressure. I would drive myself mad and probably will.
Maybe my art will strangle any relationship I'm in.
In fact I'm almost certain it will.
Life, in closing I'd like to say... thank you for being a shape... but if you could pull off being a normal shape that would be nice. I'd like to see where you go.
Please?
That's all she wrote.
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Friday, July 24, 2009
I hate making titles for these things...
... I am just not kool enough to think of something poetic to say...
So, I've been staying at Dan's house the past few days... I've eaten the best cupcakes in the world and re-discovered what an epic dork my boyfriend is. He and his warhammer. =P
The Boyfriend:
Is amazing. So glad he's back... and so glad I didn't ruin it at the rave. He almost had me convinced that I was going to hurt him, and truth be told I nearly did... evil Kixxy. But all was saved by my quick thinking to get her to send a text. GO TEAM ME! I was so fucking high that night... and still I had the comman sence not to cheat, he should give me kudos for that.
The SQUISH!
Squish is someone you haven't really heared about before. He's also know as the 'bbfl' and I lovers him so so so very much. I saw him today along with 'the SPY' and I was having a really good time. I had a bit of a fight with him the other day because the Squish and the Spy want to go out but are afraid of ruining there friendship... NO SHIT THAT WILL HAPPEN. It's like the Squish is saying "Even though I have serveer commitment issues and find it really hard to stick to one person, oh, and I'm gay and the spy is a girl... do you think it's a good idea for us to fuck and possibly go out?"
NO!
I think it's a fucking awful idea.
And then he and the Internet boy get all huffy at me because I didn't tell them what they wanted to hear. [Internet boy being his friend who like, worships him that I was talking to last night.]
It also doesn't help and I hate the spy...
well not hate. I just kind of wish she wasn't friends with my Squish and I wish people would stop paying me out for disliking her. It's not my fault... I gave her a second chance and then she nearly ruined my friendship with the Squish.
ugh...
fail.
cbf with this post anymore.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
LOL
So I totally noticed that I never use this thing for anything happy...
The ex and I.... are no longer the ex and I. =]
Its the boyfriend and I!
*dances*
Xx
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Where soul meets body...
Okay, so I'm sure you've noticed the trend of late.
"Blah Blah Blah, my ex doesn't love me BLAH!"
And I get it...
I'm starting to sound like a broken record. The worst part is in every conversation I hope someone asks "So, how are you two?" So I can bring it all up again. It's on my brain all the time and to quote 'Mean Girls', " I can feel people getting bored with me, but I can't stop."
It's like he's infected my brain.
I was day dreaming on the train today. In my head, I drew a red heart on a white piece of paper and cut it out with a pair of silver scissors. I handed that piece of paper to my ex in my dream and told him "hey wait, you dropped this."
He smiled at me looking oddly confused and something in me got angry...
"My heart is in your hands.
Every time you call or talk to me, I want you to think about the damage your doing to that heart. Don't get me wrong, I love you and want to be there for you when you need me, and I am willing to stand all the pain you cause me... But I need to have something to be working for, some light at the end of the tunnel to keep me going.
Because if all this pain and heartache is for nothing...
Your going to shred that heart to pieces."
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey
Xx
"Blah Blah Blah, my ex doesn't love me BLAH!"
And I get it...
I'm starting to sound like a broken record. The worst part is in every conversation I hope someone asks "So, how are you two?" So I can bring it all up again. It's on my brain all the time and to quote 'Mean Girls', " I can feel people getting bored with me, but I can't stop."
It's like he's infected my brain.
I was day dreaming on the train today. In my head, I drew a red heart on a white piece of paper and cut it out with a pair of silver scissors. I handed that piece of paper to my ex in my dream and told him "hey wait, you dropped this."
He smiled at me looking oddly confused and something in me got angry...
"My heart is in your hands.
Every time you call or talk to me, I want you to think about the damage your doing to that heart. Don't get me wrong, I love you and want to be there for you when you need me, and I am willing to stand all the pain you cause me... But I need to have something to be working for, some light at the end of the tunnel to keep me going.
Because if all this pain and heartache is for nothing...
Your going to shred that heart to pieces."
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey
Xx
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Chase you with a ladle...
Okay so I thought that I only had two options, but no...
Option three] Pretend like nothing ever happened.
O__O
I don't mean to but it's like I forget.
It would be easier if he stopped telling me that he misses me, and that he loves me, and that nothing is my fault.
Why be so nice to me?
Get angry at me! Tell me you hate me or that It's all my fault... Tell me that you don't want to be with me.
Because as much as that would hurt, it would make sense.
I could understand it if he didn't want me, but he seems to.
>__> ugh. This is all so lame.
WHINGE OVER!
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Option three] Pretend like nothing ever happened.
O__O
I don't mean to but it's like I forget.
It would be easier if he stopped telling me that he misses me, and that he loves me, and that nothing is my fault.
Why be so nice to me?
Get angry at me! Tell me you hate me or that It's all my fault... Tell me that you don't want to be with me.
Because as much as that would hurt, it would make sense.
I could understand it if he didn't want me, but he seems to.
>__> ugh. This is all so lame.
WHINGE OVER!
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Beating Hearts Baby...
So, when I decided to start a blog I thought I'd make it real. I thought I would write down every event in gross detail and make you sit there and ingest it. But I have shocked myself to a point that I don't know if I can do that anymore. People I know can read this... cyber-space has access to my deepest darkest thoughts and now I a thinking that bearing my soul via the 'tintents isn't such a great thing. Let's just say its over.
Me and the boyfriend finally split.
...
So, I was thinking about ways in which I can deal with this...
Option one] Bottle up my emotions deep inside where I wont hurt anybody. Keep it happy, keep it light, keep it gay.
Option two] Cry myself to sleep every night and become an emotional wreck. Keep nothing bottled up and hold nothing back.
Neither are healthy options... but I was always an extreme kind of person.
Right now I feel this pleasant sort of numbness I never thought I'd want to feel.
The worst part for me is... it was never just sex.
It was connection a I don't find with many people.
It was this amazing feeling of being safe.
How many times can a heart be broken? Because it feels like it breaks every time he says the word 'friends'.
I officially hate that word.
That's all she wrote.
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Me and the boyfriend finally split.
...
So, I was thinking about ways in which I can deal with this...
Option one] Bottle up my emotions deep inside where I wont hurt anybody. Keep it happy, keep it light, keep it gay.
Option two] Cry myself to sleep every night and become an emotional wreck. Keep nothing bottled up and hold nothing back.
Neither are healthy options... but I was always an extreme kind of person.
Right now I feel this pleasant sort of numbness I never thought I'd want to feel.
The worst part for me is... it was never just sex.
It was connection a I don't find with many people.
It was this amazing feeling of being safe.
How many times can a heart be broken? Because it feels like it breaks every time he says the word 'friends'.
I officially hate that word.
That's all she wrote.
- Miss Bailey
Xx
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I'm waiting for his call...
... why the fuck am I this pathetic.
I was always told that boys chased girls.
It's what they do. Girls should feel special when a guy chases them.
...
So when they stop chasing you, should you start chasing them?
I have a feeling September 1st is going to hurt.
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey
Xx
... why the fuck am I this pathetic.
I was always told that boys chased girls.
It's what they do. Girls should feel special when a guy chases them.
...
So when they stop chasing you, should you start chasing them?
I have a feeling September 1st is going to hurt.
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey
Xx
Raindrops, Unicorns and Kittens, OH MY!
raindrops
Reality Sucks.
Sometimes I think it's not all worth it. That I should shut myself emotionally 'off'. Turn that little light of hope into a big black empty void of unfeeling. That would be nice.
Apathy or Empathy.
Mood: Apathetic.
"I fake empathy so people will like me."
Is that what I do? Pretend to care? Or is that just a wish that I have that I don't give a shit?
"It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
...
Bullshit.
Nightmares,
have made a biiiig comeback... along with random lesbian sex dreams. Weird.
Drop.
I wish! I wanted a little something tonight. Take the edge off. Green squirrel? I think I'm starting to scare myself. I love it to much.
Red,
Is a great colour. It's the colour of the blood pumping through my veins... The colour I resist the temptation to see. I get addicted to things to easy.
(Addicted to men, Addicted to to drinking, Addicted to blood, Addicted to attention.... I'm an addict.)
Over.
Is it?
Paper...
"This paper-cut skin,
If a mans hands show his trade does it suit me then."
Save me?
From turning back into that person. You made me so much better... don't make me change.
unicorns
Central park was odd today.It was really tense. I finally came to the conclusion that I am AN IDIOT and that Sammy doesn't deserve the shit she's been getting. Stop making up shit about her and Josh and about me too. Whoever wrote that bullshit in Sammy's truth box is a nasty piece of work. That's the problem with these things. being anonymous. It gives you the opportunity to be spiteful without being held accountable.
kittens
Thanks for the cuddles today.
Thanks Griffin for once again making me feel better.
Sorry to Sammy.
Sorry to Josh.
I thought all this was over when I left high school.
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey.
xx
Reality Sucks.
Sometimes I think it's not all worth it. That I should shut myself emotionally 'off'. Turn that little light of hope into a big black empty void of unfeeling. That would be nice.
Apathy or Empathy.
Mood: Apathetic.
"I fake empathy so people will like me."
Is that what I do? Pretend to care? Or is that just a wish that I have that I don't give a shit?
"It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
...
Bullshit.
Nightmares,
have made a biiiig comeback... along with random lesbian sex dreams. Weird.
Drop.
I wish! I wanted a little something tonight. Take the edge off. Green squirrel? I think I'm starting to scare myself. I love it to much.
Red,
Is a great colour. It's the colour of the blood pumping through my veins... The colour I resist the temptation to see. I get addicted to things to easy.
(Addicted to men, Addicted to to drinking, Addicted to blood, Addicted to attention.... I'm an addict.)
Over.
Is it?
Paper...
"This paper-cut skin,
If a mans hands show his trade does it suit me then."
Save me?
From turning back into that person. You made me so much better... don't make me change.
unicorns
Central park was odd today.It was really tense. I finally came to the conclusion that I am AN IDIOT and that Sammy doesn't deserve the shit she's been getting. Stop making up shit about her and Josh and about me too. Whoever wrote that bullshit in Sammy's truth box is a nasty piece of work. That's the problem with these things. being anonymous. It gives you the opportunity to be spiteful without being held accountable.
kittens
Thanks for the cuddles today.
Thanks Griffin for once again making me feel better.
Sorry to Sammy.
Sorry to Josh.
I thought all this was over when I left high school.
That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey.
xx
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Somewhat like a sheep...
Well, everyone else was doing it.
And my Blog wont be profound or special like all my friends. I'm not alternative nor do I have enough angst to write something dark or funny. Though I am overly dramatic, so maybe that will make up for the lack of intelligence, bad spelling and pathetic whining that this blog will most likely contain. Anyone who's ever followed my horrible rain of myspace bulletins is well prepared for the random, boring and unoriginal thoughts that come out of my head/mouth.
But enough about how much fail your going to read, because that just makes me out to be much more self loathing than I am.
What I did today:
Today, I went to Perth, getting there at around 2:00pm. Big thanks to Griffin who made me feel so much better just by being there. It's funny because I never did like him when I was going out with his brother, but over the last couple of years he's changed into someone I can totally respect. He's a very smart cookie. After chilling there for a while and listening to a million and one people telling me what they think of my current situation I decided to go for a wander. To tell you the truth it's getting to a point where I just don't want to know. Yes, I get that my ex is probably subconsciously using me for sex but maybe not. And it hurts to think that all these people might be right. I really REALLY don't want to hear about Sammy.
[Note: This is an evil evil subject and I mean no offense to people who like Sammy (if you know her) or even as an insult to her. She's just pushed me to far... kay?]
Please don't insinuate that she's taking my place.
Don't let me know that she thinks she's better for him than I am.
You know what? Just don't bring her up. She makes me angry and I have no outlet for that anger. God help her if she ever tries to talk to me again.
Anyway, so wandering along I was and I just got this overwhelming feeling of helplessness and depression. I just felt so sad and tiered and alone and there was nothing I could do to make that stop. I called my ex/ person I'm seeing / ... whatever, and he was so sweet and nice I got off the phone and burst into tears. GO TEAM ME! >__>;
I am the emo'st person in emo ville.
Luckily I has cuddles from friends and then a nice dose of praise when I was working at Blue Room.
I totally got there half an hour early for ushering and got pushed into folding things.... just useless busy work that gave me time to think while using repetitive motions. Speaking of which, that is my theory on why my ex likes to walk home now.
A guy from rise and I talked today in centrals and he was telling me that exercise is a great form of meditation. That step after step you can use that repetitive motion and let your brain run wild and truly think about things. I sure hope that's what my ex is doing. Having a good long think about what I mean to him.
*sigh*
It sucks because I know where my feelings are at. I love him. The end.
And I know sometimes love isn't enough because with my last relationship, [spanning three years] love just wasn't quite enough to span the distance that had always been between us.
In that case the only thing stopping us was... well, most of Australia. He was in Melbourne, I was in Perth. It failed miserably but I still consider that person one of my greatest friends.
I had an evil little thought about love the other day;
Love is this fucked up little half way between want and need.
When your with that person that you are in love with you feel like you need them with every fiber of your being. They complete you and you complete them and you only feel whole when your with them.
But then, when they leave you or are taken away you realise that you don't NEED them. The world doesn't stop spinning, you don't stop breathing and despite the pain, your hearts still beating.
It was just want.
A strong and seductive want that sucked you right in and tricked you.
I hate the idea that wanting something is love... but that's what it is.
I don't believe that you can die of a broken heart. You can want to die so badly that you do, but hearts are a resilient thing that can be fixed like a patchwork quilt. Patch upon patch is painfully sewn over the freshly bleeding wounds until you have something somewhat resembling a heart left. And everyone has a heart, even if its so disfigured that you cant see it anymore, and there are so many layers and rips and tears that you can no longer feel it. It's there.
Can anyone tell I'm a hopeless romantic?
Somebody please bring back the days of 'Romeo and Juliet'.
Bring back dying for a love that's only just bloomed, chivalry and all that jazz.
I want a prince on a horse with a sword willing to defend my honor. But with so many princesses in the world, something tells me not everyone's going to get a happily ever after.
If I was into praying and religion, I would be praying that I get to be one of those princesses.
So, to end this on a lighter note, me and the ex are going to hang out tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to his call at 11:00am.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
And my Blog wont be profound or special like all my friends. I'm not alternative nor do I have enough angst to write something dark or funny. Though I am overly dramatic, so maybe that will make up for the lack of intelligence, bad spelling and pathetic whining that this blog will most likely contain. Anyone who's ever followed my horrible rain of myspace bulletins is well prepared for the random, boring and unoriginal thoughts that come out of my head/mouth.
But enough about how much fail your going to read, because that just makes me out to be much more self loathing than I am.
What I did today:
Today, I went to Perth, getting there at around 2:00pm. Big thanks to Griffin who made me feel so much better just by being there. It's funny because I never did like him when I was going out with his brother, but over the last couple of years he's changed into someone I can totally respect. He's a very smart cookie. After chilling there for a while and listening to a million and one people telling me what they think of my current situation I decided to go for a wander. To tell you the truth it's getting to a point where I just don't want to know. Yes, I get that my ex is probably subconsciously using me for sex but maybe not. And it hurts to think that all these people might be right. I really REALLY don't want to hear about Sammy.
[Note: This is an evil evil subject and I mean no offense to people who like Sammy (if you know her) or even as an insult to her. She's just pushed me to far... kay?]
Please don't insinuate that she's taking my place.
Don't let me know that she thinks she's better for him than I am.
You know what? Just don't bring her up. She makes me angry and I have no outlet for that anger. God help her if she ever tries to talk to me again.
Anyway, so wandering along I was and I just got this overwhelming feeling of helplessness and depression. I just felt so sad and tiered and alone and there was nothing I could do to make that stop. I called my ex/ person I'm seeing / ... whatever, and he was so sweet and nice I got off the phone and burst into tears. GO TEAM ME! >__>;
I am the emo'st person in emo ville.
Luckily I has cuddles from friends and then a nice dose of praise when I was working at Blue Room.
I totally got there half an hour early for ushering and got pushed into folding things.... just useless busy work that gave me time to think while using repetitive motions. Speaking of which, that is my theory on why my ex likes to walk home now.
A guy from rise and I talked today in centrals and he was telling me that exercise is a great form of meditation. That step after step you can use that repetitive motion and let your brain run wild and truly think about things. I sure hope that's what my ex is doing. Having a good long think about what I mean to him.
*sigh*
It sucks because I know where my feelings are at. I love him. The end.
And I know sometimes love isn't enough because with my last relationship, [spanning three years] love just wasn't quite enough to span the distance that had always been between us.
In that case the only thing stopping us was... well, most of Australia. He was in Melbourne, I was in Perth. It failed miserably but I still consider that person one of my greatest friends.
I had an evil little thought about love the other day;
Love is this fucked up little half way between want and need.
When your with that person that you are in love with you feel like you need them with every fiber of your being. They complete you and you complete them and you only feel whole when your with them.
But then, when they leave you or are taken away you realise that you don't NEED them. The world doesn't stop spinning, you don't stop breathing and despite the pain, your hearts still beating.
It was just want.
A strong and seductive want that sucked you right in and tricked you.
I hate the idea that wanting something is love... but that's what it is.
I don't believe that you can die of a broken heart. You can want to die so badly that you do, but hearts are a resilient thing that can be fixed like a patchwork quilt. Patch upon patch is painfully sewn over the freshly bleeding wounds until you have something somewhat resembling a heart left. And everyone has a heart, even if its so disfigured that you cant see it anymore, and there are so many layers and rips and tears that you can no longer feel it. It's there.
Can anyone tell I'm a hopeless romantic?
Somebody please bring back the days of 'Romeo and Juliet'.
Bring back dying for a love that's only just bloomed, chivalry and all that jazz.
I want a prince on a horse with a sword willing to defend my honor. But with so many princesses in the world, something tells me not everyone's going to get a happily ever after.
If I was into praying and religion, I would be praying that I get to be one of those princesses.
So, to end this on a lighter note, me and the ex are going to hang out tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to his call at 11:00am.
That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey
Xx
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