Still Standing...

... just.

After an amazing weekend with some good friends, where I felt both more alive and more dead than I have ever felt in my life.
After getting quizzed and snapped at by my boyfriend.
After the gurning caused me to have the worst toothache ever.


After The Boyfriend realised that I am never going to cheat on him and that I will be there for him forever and forgave me for getting high.


Yep.
I'm still standing... Just.

Dear Diary,

I am a lazy bitch who really needs to get her ass off the couch.



That is all.

That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey

Xx

Sometimes I'm Lost...

.... But sometimes... I'm right on the money.

Hello world,

Today was lazy as most days are and I realised The Stalker still has my shoes.
Today I felt a little moody, I yelled at The Father-Figure, and was yelled at right back.
Today was strange.
Today was The New-ones first day of promotions at the place that I work...
... she was awesome.
I left The Boyfriend there today.

Today he got a text message from The Before-girl.
I felt like a Substitute-Girl again.
Today, he also had visitors in the form of The Stalker and The Wronged.

Today I realised how stupid it was to give people these names... nobody knows who they are... and if they read it, they could figure it was them-selves...

Who am I protecting them from?


That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey

Xx

so...

I retract everything I said in my previous post.


=]

OH and I found the koolest PC today... was a touch screen...

... I touched it. ^^

Xx

fucking emo fucking... fuck.

Dear Diary,

Today was okay. I got to sleep in and then got up to go to Perth with The Boyfriend. Then The Stalker showed up. The Stalker was nice and friendly and keeps commenting me on face space. >__< I hate her. And I think I am totally justifide... yes, we worked on our issues and people should but out of our business, but I don't have to like her. I don't have to KNOW her... but social networking sites make it fucking hard not too. "Dear face space, please hide my existance from all the people I hate... homophobes and people I wont like... oh, and fat people."

So I dealt nicely with her, I was okay. Then I saw my Pet with her boyfriend in Perth. ugh. >__> I hate that guy. He treats her more like a possesion than anything else... kinda like the stalker treats my boyfriend... it's very annoying.

So then he gets a call from his boss asking him to work tomorrow and ...
you know what, I don't even know why I'm whinging about this... *sigh*
We didn't have definant plans and shit but I would kind of like some one on one time with him.

I know I can't complain really... thats why I complain on here. It's not even a real complaint! I probably wont even care by tomorrow. But right now I just feel all emo because I wanted to... go to fremantle and go op-shopping... or get ice-cream or SOMETHING. Damn he is even more of a social fucking butterfly than I am.
I actually feel like I have surrenedered alot more time with friends and family for this relationship than he ever has... and he's not really interested in my friends. OH OH, major bitch! Like... When I see one of his friends on the street, I stop while they chat. With me, he ignores them and me and keeps walking.

>__<

Okay, rant over.

That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey

Xx

As an after-thought...

wonder if this works...?
EXPERIMENT TIME!



That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey

Xx

Something about pillows

credited to Caitlyn.

=D


Dearest Blogspot,

Today I woke up at 3:00pm to a reasonably quiet house. The Boyfriends sister was watching TV and his mum was passed out on the couch. Passed out drunk? Asleep?
Probably the former.
I feel so bad because she's not my mum and even if The Boyfriend speaks ill of her I don't really think that I can. He has a weird relationship with her, but at the end of the day, she's his mother.

I got to Perth and had myself some red rooster and delivered The Boyfriend some food while he was at work. There's something off about him lately. I can't quite put my finger on it but he's up to something. Maybe it involves the women in his life. Chloe?
I like her. But why doesn't he ever invite me to hang out with them? They are always alone and he sees her quite a bit. I don't believe he'd ever PHYSICALLY cheat on me... but maybe he likes her more. Could he be in love with her more than he's in love with me? I'd like to say that I'm just being paranoid and it's not true.... but I don't know that.
The Stalker.
*grrr*
Why is she still around?
Why did she add me to facespace?
Why are they still talking if he hates her so much? O__o

What really happened while we were broken up?

So many questions....

Did you ever love her?
Did you have sex with her more than once?
If she had decided to date you, would you have even looked at me again?
Did you break up with me for her?

You joked the other day that if you ever wanted to cheat on me you'd just break up with me and then get back together with me later... Is that what you did?

All these questions that I don't feel I can ask you because you might get sad or angry... or think I'm a crazy bitch.

I know there's more to this story than he's telling...


I'm not stupid.

That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey

Xx

Stuff... and junk.

So for years now my mother has been trying to get me to go to a mental health doctor. Someone who can look at why I'm completely insane and give me some meds. Yeah, I love my mother.
Anyway I've been denying there's anything wrong with me for years, but quite recently I've started thinking that perhaps she's right and there is something wrong with me.
I sleep, ALL THE TIME!
When asked about hobbies I generally list Sleep as number one.
I have no motivation and a fear of failing that generally keeps me from trying.
When given the opportunity... I drink to much and emotional eat.
And sometimes even though everything's okay, I feel like crying.


But meds just seem... I dunno. It might help but will it change me? Because a lot of people seem to like me just the way I am...
Seem to.
...

I hope they do.

That's all she wrote,
-Miss Bailey

Xx

My space... [literally]

This weekend was FUCKED.

It all started with The boyfriend and myself and a whole lot of nothing. No money. >__> I wish I was rich if not just to stop situations like that happening. When I have no money I get moody. I hate not having that security and control. I suppose you could say it makes me nervous.
So, we had stayed at his mother's house the night before, on the cutest make-shift bed of cushions and blankets. Our nest. I was feeling really sick, no idea why. He woke me up in the morning because we had to trek it to Nollamara. Having no cash, this proved difficult. We made it to Perth and totally ninja'd our way through the gates.
The boyfriend is the sneakiest ninja I know.
So now we only had the issue of the bus ride/ eating lunch. I managed to sell one of my drinks I had acquired the night before at work. We got to Nollamara. We got's four donuts.
*om nom nom*
We had a nap.
He tried to iron his shirt, but because of shoddy materials, the shirt got ruined. This is where my boyfriends not easy to deal with. He has coping issues. When I get mad I get emotional and have a cuddle or something like that. He twitches and hits his hands on whatever he can reach. Notably, never me... and he hardly even raises his voice.
I think because I live in a house where the only male I ever really see angry is my dad... and that anger can often be directed at me, I get twitchy.
I dart around and desperately try and diffuse the situation.
In this case I took the ruined shirt and took of my work shirt. I put it on and tied off the ends, hoping I looked okay even though I was showing a bit of tummy.
He almost smiled.
=]

After we'd had a shower and stuff, gotten ready and I had attempted to do my hair with only a dodgy comb we went to leave. But the boyfriend stopped in the doorway and asked if I'd seen his umbrella. I hadn't. He was sure he'd left it there and went to have a look. I however opted to stay outside because I was quite sure what was coming. The umbrella had gone mysteriously missing.
Most people would be like... whats with the dramatics? It's just an umbrella.
But I get why the boyfriend was so upset. Someone had been in his room and gone through his things. They had taken his favorite umbrella, the one that looked like an everyday business man's umbrella but showed a clear sky pictured on the inside. The boyfriend had been carrying that umbrella around obsessively for months now. And now because of the dodgy people that extenuating circumstances had forced him to live with, it was gone.
YAY LIFE!

So, with him swearing to himself and getting more and more agitated, we walked toward Perth's most violent bus station. Him carrying his suit. Me with my fuck-off heavy bag full of crap. About half way down the road, the heavens opened up and completely soaked us with rain. I almost felt like laughing. No umbrella... it had been sunny all of 20 minuets before hand. WHY!?

We arrived, drenched to the bones. My broken shoes that I couldn't afford to replace full of water and a very angry boyfriend who's suit was drenched through. So now when he went to dinner with his boss, not only would he be flat broke but he would be in the suit he didn't want to be in that now smelled of mildu. Today was not a good day.
I still had two donuts in my bag that we hadn't 'om nomed' yet. I ate one, but then the boyfriend decided he only wanted half of his. We were both starving.

We arrived in Perth city, soaked and emotional. My socks were completely wet and I new going to work was going to fail pretty hardcore. He suggested that we take our whole $1 and 60 cents and go down to the vegetarian 'pay what your heart feels' restaurant on the foreshore. GOSH, I have never felt so guilty.
We ate a variety of curry's, a rice pudding, and two glasses of juice for $1.60. If there is a next life, I'm coming back as a slug.

So then we go on to work. I actually had an okay night. I was set down to the basement, that I think is like... cheesy-horror movie-esc. =P
I sat down there, sipping my cola and counting the free passes we had left. It was really warm down there so I didn't need my jacket and I felt really relaxed despite my still damp clothes.
When I went upstairs I helped set up the mezzanine for a party, and then we went out on the street. Only one person got me seriously angry, he said "Are those free passes?" I said yes and handed him two, one for him and a friend, and he screamed "TRASH!" at me and then through the passes up in the air, stalking quickly down the street.
I yelled something about his I.Q and that being related to the size of his dick, but he was already gone. The boyfriend didn't really see what happened but he wasn't happy when I told him about it. I like it when he gets protective. ^^

And 'blah blah blah' the night went on... we nearly missed the train because the money I thought I had collected wasn't there. Luckily, we found a transit guard who was actually nice and let us on for free.
We got to Caitlins and all was well.
Went to sleep all curled up on the bottom bunk instead of in the separate beds.

The next thing I know, my nervous dream about the upcoming WAPAA audition is cut short by the boyfriend telling me to "wake up now! my alarm didn't go off! I might be fired!" So he's panicking and no shower no nothing I am whisked out of bed and into my clothes and then forced to run in broken shoes and still soggy socks down the main street in Maylands. I had blisters on my feet. It fucking hurt. I just couldn't take the abrupt wake up and swollen feet combo and just broke down. *sigh*
Yes, so the boyfriend now also had to deal with me, in tears, people staring at the traino... sleep still crusting my eyes.


Yeah, and then I finally got home and had a shower. And as much as I love my boyfriend, I am glad to have my own bed and space and clothes...

even though I've stolen his jumper ^^

yep... rant over.

That's all she wrote,
- Miss Bailey

Xx

Lets get watsed!

Ever get that feeling that you just want to get messy?
You want to gurn on everything and get so drunk you throw up...

That's the feeling I have right now.


And it is not going to happen due to the fact the boyfriend hates it when I get drunk/high AND I have work.

^^ GO TEAM!

That's all she wrote,

-Miss Bailey
Xx